AWKWARDNESS

So, I am a grown woman. Am I supposed to become obviously awkward in awkward scenarios? There will be awkwardness when you run into an old flame or someone you spent a lot of time with or haven't seen in a while. It is worse when you've never met that person before but shared that typed of "intimacy," which is what occurred today while I was shopping...

I intentionally drove a couple of towns over to avoid colleagues, students and parents. Having worked in a high school and two middle schools it is hard to go anywhere in these parts and not bump into someone I know. I was doing pretty well, too. I had gone to the mall and managed not to see anyone, got a couple of cute inexpensive tops, and a yummy dessert from Great American Cookies. I had a list of items I needed to pick up and decided to hit up a department store rather than go to the grocery store. I dread grocery stores, but that's an entry for another time.

Shopping. I was knocking out my list when I noticed a guy pass me and make eye contact. This is neither uncommon or unusual so I didn't find it all that strange. I needed a new pitcher and was trying my hardest to determine where I may be able to locate it. That's the bad part about shopping in stores you don't frequent--you can't find things! So, I was doing the casual cart drive and perusing the aisles hoping a pitcher would stand out when I saw the guy do a look back/look again.

I turned down in the kitchen section when all of a sudden my cell phone sounded off. Startled, I knew it wasn't my mom because we had already talked. I thought it may be one of my girlfriends calling to see if I was going to join her and her family for dinner. When I saw the name come up on the i.d., everything clicked. I looked up and saw him with the cell phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

"I never forget a face..."

I don't have to finish the conversation. He made his way over and there was awkwardness.

Let me explain some things. He and I have never met. Our mothers were classmates and a few years ago they ran into each other at Homecoming. They got to talking, and my mother--like all good mothers--had her brag book of photos. She was showing off her grandchildren, boys, and me. Her classmate's son happened to be with her, and when he saw my picture he wanted to know more about me. He was very aggressive in sharing how interested he was (in me). Because he lived so close in proximity, our moms thought it would be great for us to connect. I don't think either meant we had to go to a level of dating, but that certainly wasn't ruled out. Anyway, mom gave him my number. He lost the number and had to get it again, but he did call.

At the time I was in graduate school. We talked regularly about all sorts of stuff. It was great conversation and we'd talk for hours. The topic of meeting up seemed to be an uncomfortable one for him, and I was not exactly sure why since we had stressed early on that this didn't have to be a "dating" relationship. I don't know if he felt intimidated that I had more education. I don't know if my religious views or personal convictions made him uncomfortable. Whatever the case, he was unwilling to meet and could not really justify why. Soon our talks began to slow. I was busy (as usual) and I didn't really know how to take the whole not wanting to meet and hang out.
We still send forwards to one another and text each other during the holidays, but that's about it.
Meeting him today was ironic. I had just done a search on Facebook and Myspace to see if he had by chance created a profile. My search was unsuccessful.

I felt like an idiot talking with him. I couldn't find the right words and I felt rushed. I was repetitive and caught off guard...(sigh) What makes me upset is he should have been the awkward one. I hadn't done anything wrong. We made cordial small talk and then kept moving. I couldn't let it go though. I think he bolted out of the store because I didn't see him anywhere after that.

I decided to text message him on the way home. I just mentioned that it was nice seeing him. He responded with a "finally" type of message with humor. I agreed. His last text stated he was elusive. I didn't quite know how to respond except to say it was true--and, maybe true for both of us.

Maybe it would have been better for me to have shopped in my own neighborhood.





A more fitting title may be "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Market"...

Call Me Audrey

This week I received one of the nicest compliments I have had in a while. Isn't it amazing the power our words have? They make or break us, and the topic "words" has come up quite a bit lately. With words comes the ability to powerfully and effectively communicate. It's a strength that not everyone can have. I'll admit it's not one of my strengths!

Getting back to this compliment...Monday afternoon at dismissal, I was outside waiting for a bus to arrive for a group of our students. Other staff members were outside that had bus duty, and we were joking around with the students and talking with one another.

One of the teachers nearby said to me, "I just love how you dress! You know, you remind me of Audrey Hepburn."

I suppose my face showed that I did not know how to receive the compliment because she quickly said, "No, no...I said Audrey, not Katherine. Do you even know who these people are?"

I caught myself and laughed, "Yes! I know who those people are, Lyn!!!! And, thank you." We talked a bit more about the Hepburns and then jumped to some other topic.

She didn't know how powerful her words were. When I think of Audrey, there is a beauty that I don't consider myself to have. I believe this has a lot to do with my childhood. I was never the "pretty one" and boys didn't have crushes on me. I have always been the friend that help set up the guy that liked my friend. I have been the one considered to be a sister. I am the leader, the doer. I make people laugh, I am a hard worker, I am an achiever...Somehow my looks never are the focus of those around me.

We all have certain qualities we'd like to be recognized or acknowledged for...I pray daily that my words would uplift someone and brighten their day. I am thankful for the wonderful moment I had the other day. Years from now I know I'll look back and remember the afternoon I reminded someone of Audrey.

Mean Girls

Yesterday I had to report to Tiffany's Bridal Shop to choose and get fitted for a dear friend's wedding. I traveled down to Newport News trying hard to follow the directions I received from the bride-to-be who is not very good when it comes to navigating. I had made a wrong turn and was running a bit late, so I decided to call one of my friends who is in the bridal party.

As soon as I heard her voice, I could tell something was up. She is usually so upbeat and ready to joke. Instead, I could hear a distracted and flat voice. When I asked her if she was okay, I was not prepared to get the response, "No." Immediately there were tears on the other end of the phone and my friend began to vent.

She coaches volleyball and the team had just finished competing in a game day. Unfortunately, the team had not won any of the games. They haven't had any wins this season (to my knowledge). During one of the matches, my friend was trying to explain to them what they needed to do. One of the students was talking over her, and she snapped, yelling at the girl to be quiet to hear the play(s). Later on the little girl was talking terribly about my friend in the hall to her teammates, and my friend overheard them. The girl saw her, had no guilt, and continued to talk trash. Not only was this one student being negative, parents and other students were also saying some pretty mean things about her because of their losing season.

"They smile in my face, but I know they're all talking. I just don't understand. I try so hard, Karen. I give and give, but they don't appreciate it. I haven't done anything to them," she sobbed.

I told her she should not feel bad, but she quickly wanted to know how she was supposed to feel. I felt her pain because I experience this daily. I continued to talk with her and tried to offer words of comfort, but the words were not surfacing because I was feeling down myself. However, I did not want her to feel bad because of these mean girls. They're middle schoolers, and the only thing worse than a mean girl middle schooler is the woman she grows up to be.

Today's church sermon was titled "The Weight of Your Words". It was what was needed when I was talking to my friend. We forget the weight our words carry for ourselves and others. I want my friend to remember she can do ALL things through Christ. She's more than a conquerer and that no weapon formed against her shall prosper. We cannot allow our tongue to pull us down, but we do this daily. We mope around and feel sad rather than speaking positively and moving forward from out of our ruts.

Pastor left us with a charge for the week. The old familiar saying goes, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all." He added a twist to it for those of us already living the latter: "If you don't have anything nice to say, FIND something nice to say!" The positive talk will hinder the desire to talk negatively. A statistic from some years back said for every negative thing said to us when we're younger, it takes at least 8 to 12 positive statements to help us recover from the one negative...WOW!

The truth is a negative word spoken is just like a spark in the forest. Though it's small, it'll spread like wild fire and completely destroy all that's been established.

So, I ask you today: Are you a mean girl?

A Learning Moment...

Okay. I am having a technology moment. I just finished typing my blog entry for the day only to have it all disappear when I hit save and thought it had been published. Who knows where my thoughts just went off to!!!

Lesson learned? I'll have to keep my thoughts in a word document and then transfer the entry into my blog account.

On that note this is all you'll get from me for this evening. I will repost my original piece tomorrow/today...

Sigh...Mi vida loca...

The Game of Life

There is no better time to play on the on the phrase "game of life" than on one of the biggest weekends of the year: Super Bowl Sunday 2008. The New England Patriots will contend the New York Giants in football. Super Bowl parties are a huge thing, and if one of these teams happen to be one's favorite the trash talking takes over the body until another football season arrives!

Today many football players that play for the Patriots and Giants were interviewed. On TBN, a Christian-base broadcast, some of the football players were on giving their testimonies. One happened to touch on "the game of life" and some of the harsh realities of our youth and society. He spoke of the young men in this world that grow up without a father figure. He mentioned that 80% of the men that go to prison and are released eventually return to the prison system.

This got me thinking about some of the issues that have hit a nerve more this week than weeks prior. What is the key to the game of life? I find myself in an environment daily where the adults and kids are miserable. Then I have phone calls, emails, and visits full of concerns and venting from more miserable people. My strength, motivation, and encouragement come from those special people in my life that are practical yet grounded and know how to stay positive. The reason they can be positive is they have an understanding of what matters (in life) and are able to put it all into perspective. They're thankful for another day, know that life is bigger than the walls they're living/working in, and they understand the power of their actions and words.

I can't tell you the number of students that come into my office each day for discipline issues and crumble to pieces behind closed doors. Granted, they had no business being defiant, disrespectful, or a disruption, but they're usually doing these things as a coping mechanism. And, if you've singled the child out in front of his/her peers, you can forget ever being able to engage them in anything you have to say. For example, one child I saw today is from a single parent household with 5 siblings in the house, about 4 nieces and nephews there, and he has several responsibilities. He can forget anyone taking the time to sit with him and read or explain his homework, and he is clearly lacking some of the skills his peers have. Then he comes to school tired, without his assignments, and is ready to be a kid only to get yelled at and told how bad he is. He is aware of his deficits and does not need to know he is failing or a clown. He needs differentiated instruction to show him he can be successful.

I have teachers that come to me not wanting to know how to come up with interventions but how to get the student out of the building. I have parents that can't be reached and fail to show up for conferences. There are staff members in avoidance mode with one another and walking on egg shells in order to keep peace...And, do I understand the misery? YES! From every angle and then some! But, I also get the game of life...

What's the secret to the game? Longevity. How is longevity accomplished? Through sanity, attitude and communication. The last of these three is probably the most powerful. And it can only be effective when executed with a genuine (and loving) spirit. It's not to say that the receiver will automatically respond the correct way. They may still act crazy, talk behind your back, or not comprehend, BUT our williness to stay consistent and truthful will take us places.

Fact is some people only know how to be negative. It is safe and easy to do. As a teacher, I always avoided the lounge because of the amount of complaining that you often found when entering. I opened my room up to those that wanted to visit me and was often told by those who frequented it that there was just something very positive, warm in the atmosphere. It was an environment I wanted free of "stinking thinking". That wasn't to say that you couldn't come in and cry and vent, but it was hoped that when you left out a burden was lifted and a problem was resolved.

We all playing in the game of life. The question is whether or not we're being defeated or if we're winning. It's a day to day, play by play...Bottom line is I love what I do, and the people I serve. I wouldn't have it any other way. I strive to brighten the days of those around me and work to be effective in helping those around me to feel successful with what they're doing and how they're doing it.

Six simple words that have remained with me since my first graduation from W&M: Find the good and praise it!