While I understand that death may be an uncomfortable topic of discussion for many, I can't say I've really ever had that issue. I think I may actually gain my sanity once I leave this world and have a bit of peace. Currently, I spend my days questioning so many things that occur and trying to understand my purpose in the midst of it all. And, Jesus usually responds quickly or there's some delay. I am okay with this.
Death isn't really the subject I am reflecting on today. The title of this entry came about when driving home; it was in the lyrics of the song I was playing. Immediately, the answer that came to mind was: mean lady!
I spend a good part of my day handling discipline cases, and today was no different than others. In fact, I hit the ground running right after the 7:30 IEP meeting held before school. As I came up to the office and sat down to go through my email inbox that had quickly collected messages, one of our front office secretaries came back to alert me that a parent really needed to see me. Parents tend not to care about setting appointments or valuing time when it comes to their child, which is understandable on many levels. They do not always think about the possible steps/interventions that could occur before coming straight to an administrator; however, it's nature of the beast and I am usually willing to accommodate.
I asked the secretary to give me about 5 minutes and I'd be out to see him. I sat for a minute and organized my desk and responded to an email, got up and went to see how my day was going to unravel...
Dad was in to report an issue from our Valentine's Day dance on Friday. He (and his wife) were highly upset with a situation that happened to their son while at the dance. The kid is a little bitty thing, and a HUGE seventh grader had tried to stuff his head in the toilet. No laughing, people...you can't make this stuff up. Now, I was aware of the situation on Friday, but what I can share is on a Friday night coming off of any holiday week that may have involved candy, I am not trying to handle discipline issues at a dance. Rather, the aim is to put out fires because issues are just expected. Teachers don't volunteer to chaperone, and the parents are too scared to say anything, leaving administration and whatever school personnel sponsoring the event to handle about 200-400 children going nuts in a gym.
When the issue was brought to my attention, one of our teachers was chewing the 7th grader out for his behavior. She questioned why he was trying to put the kid's head in the toilet. The response was, "He took my soda!" Of course, the response was, "No, I didn't!" Again, people--no laughing. I work with middle schoolers, and this is typical behavior. Anyway, the 7th grader was in the wrong and he apologized to the 6th grader, they shook hands and he went on his way. I asked the 6th grader if he was okay, and he shook his head yes. He had a soda in his hand, a friend by his side, and no tears in his eyes. I thought to myself: EASY. Problem solved!
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong! Now, a parent sat in my office and questioned how I dealt with the issue. Further, he took on the role of threatening me with how many parents in the community knew about the situation and that none of them were ever bringing their kids to a dance. (SIGH) I HATE when parents throw out crazy threats. I can't begin to share how many people were pleased with the dance, and there really no issues the entire night.
Anyway, I talked with the parent and put his mind at ease, sharing how we deal with discipline at our dances. Dad put his kid out there when I asked him to give me a full report of what occurred. He shared that his son provoked the 7th grader when he threw soda at him---UM, not a smart move as a 6th grader, friends. Dad left and stopped threatening to press charges; he wouldn't have had a case--I checked with our school resource officer. So, discipline issue numero 1 was on the desk to resolve.
I moved to unfinished cases from Friday.
My Friday was a day from...Well, I will leave you to fill in the blank. Two fights, Two bus issues, Three assemblies, a Staff Development Guru in house, and millions of events in between. I spent my day dealing with two bus investigations. One had to do with a kid having a razor blade on his person and slicing bus seats. The other was involving a group of kiddos that thought it would be fun to light matches on the back of the bus and then throw the evidence out of the window before turning in to the school grounds. Let's just say the former was an easier case than the latter. I had a two hour meeting with the parents of slicer child. And, we had to interview about 10 kids on the bus to get anywhere on the fire-starters. The hardest catch to this was the kid being accused has a mother who is clueless that her child isn't innocent. The kid has her so fooled and she has an excuse for every conduct referral written on him. It's really very sad and quite draining.
So, what will they call me when I die? Simply put: A mean lady. My days being filled with discipline issues must come to a stop soon. My main focus of instructional leadership has to be found and implemented. And, maybe I won't be known as the mean lady because the kids won't be doing crazy stuff!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Officially Effectively Ineffective
I spend a lot of time at work. During the week, I wake up early to try and beat most of the staff to the building. Once at work I prepare for the day, reading email, getting a little daily devotion, helping our front office staff with any issues, and plotting out the day. The hours go by quickly with meetings, discipline, phone calls, and observations. Then in the afternoons there are the usual club sponsored activities, sports events, meetings, after school tutoring or detention, etc.
With so many things occurring in the week, I find myself sneaking into the building on the weekends for a few hours to knock out incompleted projects; this is the only way I make it in the week. Today was no different. It was a school holiday, President's Day, but I had to get over to the school to get some work done. Honestly, the time I put into my job does not bother me until I begin to feel ineffective for those I truly serve: children.
I am beginning to feel more and more defeated as a school organization when I see the number of students that are failing and not finding academic success. It's more pronounced than ever, and I can't ever remember seeing kids struggling like this when I was growing up. I am dealing with 11 and 12 year olds that are pregnant and 15 year olds that are still in middle school. My young men are associated with gangs, and the ones that are not are too scared to say otherwise. They would rather be on Myspace or text messaging than reading a book or showing some school spirit. They can tell me everything about Soulja Boy, Little Wayne, and Chris Brown, but can't solve a simple equation or explain what a sentence fragment is. And, the icing on the cake is I live in a middle class, quaint suburban community. Poverty in my building is just under 20%, and we're on the higher end for those numbers.
It is a new generation that requires those of us working in education to think WAY outside the box in order to have motivated, engaged pupils. So it came as no surprise when CNN had a news story about a school division in Georgia that plans to to have single gendered schools. Their reasoning is that children are too distracted by the opposite sex and separation will hopefully pull up those students that are getting left behind. On Good Morning, America, there was a story entitled "Earn to Learn." Several states have caught on and are paying students for making good grades. Some students make up to $300 a year.
Sadly, I see the challenges and obstacles of motivating kids right in my own backyard. Family members and close friends speak with me about the issues they're facing in raising children in today's society. Unfortunately, the black male seems to be having the most setbacks. It doesn't matter the household--rich, middle class, or poor--our young black men continue to fall behind all other students.
In the mentoring program I volunteer with I had a young man that would seriously be okay with making $186 a week selling drugs than pulling himself together to do a little work in school in order to have credible job. He has no desire to flip burgers, and he and the system have mutually failed each other in taking the time to help him. He can't read a sentence, but he could likely show me how to hot wire a car...
I am left feeling a bit defeated with questions about why I do what I do...Then I think back to my day on Saturday. There is a young lady I've been working with since she was in the sixth grade. She bucked the system and stayed in the office her first year of middle school. She was the one who would throw a punch without giving it a second thought. Her attitude was very poor and she was unwilling to open up to the adults that were trying to teach her. One day her whole attitude changed during one of our program sessions. She wrote down some things that had happened to her, and one of the male mentors brought it to my attention. We started talking about her experiences and how to channel the anger. She is now in high school and excelling. Her grades are remarkable (for her). She is college bound and sets an example for those around her.
I know that if I haven't affected any other lives I have at least touched one. I am aware that it takes a willingness and desire to want to do good in order to get out of the rut you're in. When I asked for this job, I didn't ask that it be easy but I have great expectations that include changing and helping lives.
With so many things occurring in the week, I find myself sneaking into the building on the weekends for a few hours to knock out incompleted projects; this is the only way I make it in the week. Today was no different. It was a school holiday, President's Day, but I had to get over to the school to get some work done. Honestly, the time I put into my job does not bother me until I begin to feel ineffective for those I truly serve: children.
I am beginning to feel more and more defeated as a school organization when I see the number of students that are failing and not finding academic success. It's more pronounced than ever, and I can't ever remember seeing kids struggling like this when I was growing up. I am dealing with 11 and 12 year olds that are pregnant and 15 year olds that are still in middle school. My young men are associated with gangs, and the ones that are not are too scared to say otherwise. They would rather be on Myspace or text messaging than reading a book or showing some school spirit. They can tell me everything about Soulja Boy, Little Wayne, and Chris Brown, but can't solve a simple equation or explain what a sentence fragment is. And, the icing on the cake is I live in a middle class, quaint suburban community. Poverty in my building is just under 20%, and we're on the higher end for those numbers.
It is a new generation that requires those of us working in education to think WAY outside the box in order to have motivated, engaged pupils. So it came as no surprise when CNN had a news story about a school division in Georgia that plans to to have single gendered schools. Their reasoning is that children are too distracted by the opposite sex and separation will hopefully pull up those students that are getting left behind. On Good Morning, America, there was a story entitled "Earn to Learn." Several states have caught on and are paying students for making good grades. Some students make up to $300 a year.
Sadly, I see the challenges and obstacles of motivating kids right in my own backyard. Family members and close friends speak with me about the issues they're facing in raising children in today's society. Unfortunately, the black male seems to be having the most setbacks. It doesn't matter the household--rich, middle class, or poor--our young black men continue to fall behind all other students.
In the mentoring program I volunteer with I had a young man that would seriously be okay with making $186 a week selling drugs than pulling himself together to do a little work in school in order to have credible job. He has no desire to flip burgers, and he and the system have mutually failed each other in taking the time to help him. He can't read a sentence, but he could likely show me how to hot wire a car...
I am left feeling a bit defeated with questions about why I do what I do...Then I think back to my day on Saturday. There is a young lady I've been working with since she was in the sixth grade. She bucked the system and stayed in the office her first year of middle school. She was the one who would throw a punch without giving it a second thought. Her attitude was very poor and she was unwilling to open up to the adults that were trying to teach her. One day her whole attitude changed during one of our program sessions. She wrote down some things that had happened to her, and one of the male mentors brought it to my attention. We started talking about her experiences and how to channel the anger. She is now in high school and excelling. Her grades are remarkable (for her). She is college bound and sets an example for those around her.
I know that if I haven't affected any other lives I have at least touched one. I am aware that it takes a willingness and desire to want to do good in order to get out of the rut you're in. When I asked for this job, I didn't ask that it be easy but I have great expectations that include changing and helping lives.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
No Greater Love..
The most romantic day of the year has come and gone, but I think in the midst of so many events this week it was just a regular day for many. Married colleagues laughed at me when I inquired of their plans, and I heard things like, "Sweetie, we have kids" or "We've been married for 20 years. It's just another day."
One of the volunteers for the mentoring program I help with had a cute story: His grandmother called him on Valentine's Day and wanted to know if he had classes. He was so confused and wanted to know why he would have a day off from school, and she was like, "It's Valentine's Day."
I tried posting on Valentine's Day, but I just could not seem to find the words I wanted--mainly because it was late and I was tired from a long day. I didn't want to aim for a pity post or one that sounded anti because though I may not have had a commercialized holiday, Valentine's Day this year was still pretty special for me.
This time last year I was the big talk of the building as cards, gifts, and two deliveries to my workplace happened during the course of the day. It is amazing how different life can be in the matter of a year...by choice. And, maybe that is my apprehension in posting anything at all. While I say that my singleness is a choice, I don't really feel like welcoming opinions from those around me.
Being single and my age opens the door to all sorts of opinions, suggestions, concerns, and questions. People want to know when I am going to settle down. Others want to know why such a great person like myself doesn't have a special someone. I am told that I am going to meet that Mr. Right VERY soon. Also, I can't forget the people that tell me to hold out as long as possible because married life and commitment ain't all it's cracked up to be. And, I'd be remissed if I didn't mention those that like to give the biblical message of "Ask and ye shall receive" and God has a special plan in due season just keep the faith.
Well, I am aware of all of these things and more. And, my singleness is by choice. I could have had a date or even been married by now, but I have not found "the one." It's not because I am too picky or that there is something wrong with me. Trust me. I don't want to be single forever, but I am okay with where I am for now. I'll also be glad when I do meet a person I desire to spend my life with.
I could tell you I don't have time for a boyfriend. Or, I could give the good old statement about relationships being for the lonely; however, I am a realist idealist (smile). I can be a hopeless romantic with good logic!
So, on Thursday a colleague of mine that's a minister invited me to her church for a dinner honoring single people. The dinner was wonderful and a really nice idea. One of the women's ministries sponsored it. They were servants for the evening and desired to do something nice for those of us that are single. We got some really great gifts, a yummy dinner, and an inspiring message--most of the points I've already hit upon in the blog.
So, here is to being single. What I have come to learn in my years of being here on this earth is there's no greater love than that of God's. The relationship I have gained with Him has helped me in knowing how to love and care for the people in my life. It will also be the foundation for the love I build with the person He brings into my life and for that I am truly blessed.
While the most romantic day of the year has come and gone, love is 24/7, 365 days, 52 weeks (there are 52 weeks in a year, right???). I recognize the love in my life and am loving it! It gets sweeter and sweeter everyday, and no commercialized day with candies needs to occur for me to taste--I mean recognize--it!
One of the volunteers for the mentoring program I help with had a cute story: His grandmother called him on Valentine's Day and wanted to know if he had classes. He was so confused and wanted to know why he would have a day off from school, and she was like, "It's Valentine's Day."
I tried posting on Valentine's Day, but I just could not seem to find the words I wanted--mainly because it was late and I was tired from a long day. I didn't want to aim for a pity post or one that sounded anti because though I may not have had a commercialized holiday, Valentine's Day this year was still pretty special for me.
This time last year I was the big talk of the building as cards, gifts, and two deliveries to my workplace happened during the course of the day. It is amazing how different life can be in the matter of a year...by choice. And, maybe that is my apprehension in posting anything at all. While I say that my singleness is a choice, I don't really feel like welcoming opinions from those around me.
Being single and my age opens the door to all sorts of opinions, suggestions, concerns, and questions. People want to know when I am going to settle down. Others want to know why such a great person like myself doesn't have a special someone. I am told that I am going to meet that Mr. Right VERY soon. Also, I can't forget the people that tell me to hold out as long as possible because married life and commitment ain't all it's cracked up to be. And, I'd be remissed if I didn't mention those that like to give the biblical message of "Ask and ye shall receive" and God has a special plan in due season just keep the faith.
Well, I am aware of all of these things and more. And, my singleness is by choice. I could have had a date or even been married by now, but I have not found "the one." It's not because I am too picky or that there is something wrong with me. Trust me. I don't want to be single forever, but I am okay with where I am for now. I'll also be glad when I do meet a person I desire to spend my life with.
I could tell you I don't have time for a boyfriend. Or, I could give the good old statement about relationships being for the lonely; however, I am a realist idealist (smile). I can be a hopeless romantic with good logic!
So, on Thursday a colleague of mine that's a minister invited me to her church for a dinner honoring single people. The dinner was wonderful and a really nice idea. One of the women's ministries sponsored it. They were servants for the evening and desired to do something nice for those of us that are single. We got some really great gifts, a yummy dinner, and an inspiring message--most of the points I've already hit upon in the blog.
So, here is to being single. What I have come to learn in my years of being here on this earth is there's no greater love than that of God's. The relationship I have gained with Him has helped me in knowing how to love and care for the people in my life. It will also be the foundation for the love I build with the person He brings into my life and for that I am truly blessed.
While the most romantic day of the year has come and gone, love is 24/7, 365 days, 52 weeks (there are 52 weeks in a year, right???). I recognize the love in my life and am loving it! It gets sweeter and sweeter everyday, and no commercialized day with candies needs to occur for me to taste--I mean recognize--it!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
AWKWARDNESS
So, I am a grown woman. Am I supposed to become obviously awkward in awkward scenarios? There will be awkwardness when you run into an old flame or someone you spent a lot of time with or haven't seen in a while. It is worse when you've never met that person before but shared that typed of "intimacy," which is what occurred today while I was shopping...
I intentionally drove a couple of towns over to avoid colleagues, students and parents. Having worked in a high school and two middle schools it is hard to go anywhere in these parts and not bump into someone I know. I was doing pretty well, too. I had gone to the mall and managed not to see anyone, got a couple of cute inexpensive tops, and a yummy dessert from Great American Cookies. I had a list of items I needed to pick up and decided to hit up a department store rather than go to the grocery store. I dread grocery stores, but that's an entry for another time.
Shopping. I was knocking out my list when I noticed a guy pass me and make eye contact. This is neither uncommon or unusual so I didn't find it all that strange. I needed a new pitcher and was trying my hardest to determine where I may be able to locate it. That's the bad part about shopping in stores you don't frequent--you can't find things! So, I was doing the casual cart drive and perusing the aisles hoping a pitcher would stand out when I saw the guy do a look back/look again.
I turned down in the kitchen section when all of a sudden my cell phone sounded off. Startled, I knew it wasn't my mom because we had already talked. I thought it may be one of my girlfriends calling to see if I was going to join her and her family for dinner. When I saw the name come up on the i.d., everything clicked. I looked up and saw him with the cell phone to his ear.
"Hello?"
"I never forget a face..."
I don't have to finish the conversation. He made his way over and there was awkwardness.
Let me explain some things. He and I have never met. Our mothers were classmates and a few years ago they ran into each other at Homecoming. They got to talking, and my mother--like all good mothers--had her brag book of photos. She was showing off her grandchildren, boys, and me. Her classmate's son happened to be with her, and when he saw my picture he wanted to know more about me. He was very aggressive in sharing how interested he was (in me). Because he lived so close in proximity, our moms thought it would be great for us to connect. I don't think either meant we had to go to a level of dating, but that certainly wasn't ruled out. Anyway, mom gave him my number. He lost the number and had to get it again, but he did call.
At the time I was in graduate school. We talked regularly about all sorts of stuff. It was great conversation and we'd talk for hours. The topic of meeting up seemed to be an uncomfortable one for him, and I was not exactly sure why since we had stressed early on that this didn't have to be a "dating" relationship. I don't know if he felt intimidated that I had more education. I don't know if my religious views or personal convictions made him uncomfortable. Whatever the case, he was unwilling to meet and could not really justify why. Soon our talks began to slow. I was busy (as usual) and I didn't really know how to take the whole not wanting to meet and hang out.
We still send forwards to one another and text each other during the holidays, but that's about it.
Meeting him today was ironic. I had just done a search on Facebook and Myspace to see if he had by chance created a profile. My search was unsuccessful.
I felt like an idiot talking with him. I couldn't find the right words and I felt rushed. I was repetitive and caught off guard...(sigh) What makes me upset is he should have been the awkward one. I hadn't done anything wrong. We made cordial small talk and then kept moving. I couldn't let it go though. I think he bolted out of the store because I didn't see him anywhere after that.
I decided to text message him on the way home. I just mentioned that it was nice seeing him. He responded with a "finally" type of message with humor. I agreed. His last text stated he was elusive. I didn't quite know how to respond except to say it was true--and, maybe true for both of us.
Maybe it would have been better for me to have shopped in my own neighborhood.
A more fitting title may be "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Market"...
I intentionally drove a couple of towns over to avoid colleagues, students and parents. Having worked in a high school and two middle schools it is hard to go anywhere in these parts and not bump into someone I know. I was doing pretty well, too. I had gone to the mall and managed not to see anyone, got a couple of cute inexpensive tops, and a yummy dessert from Great American Cookies. I had a list of items I needed to pick up and decided to hit up a department store rather than go to the grocery store. I dread grocery stores, but that's an entry for another time.
Shopping. I was knocking out my list when I noticed a guy pass me and make eye contact. This is neither uncommon or unusual so I didn't find it all that strange. I needed a new pitcher and was trying my hardest to determine where I may be able to locate it. That's the bad part about shopping in stores you don't frequent--you can't find things! So, I was doing the casual cart drive and perusing the aisles hoping a pitcher would stand out when I saw the guy do a look back/look again.
I turned down in the kitchen section when all of a sudden my cell phone sounded off. Startled, I knew it wasn't my mom because we had already talked. I thought it may be one of my girlfriends calling to see if I was going to join her and her family for dinner. When I saw the name come up on the i.d., everything clicked. I looked up and saw him with the cell phone to his ear.
"Hello?"
"I never forget a face..."
I don't have to finish the conversation. He made his way over and there was awkwardness.
Let me explain some things. He and I have never met. Our mothers were classmates and a few years ago they ran into each other at Homecoming. They got to talking, and my mother--like all good mothers--had her brag book of photos. She was showing off her grandchildren, boys, and me. Her classmate's son happened to be with her, and when he saw my picture he wanted to know more about me. He was very aggressive in sharing how interested he was (in me). Because he lived so close in proximity, our moms thought it would be great for us to connect. I don't think either meant we had to go to a level of dating, but that certainly wasn't ruled out. Anyway, mom gave him my number. He lost the number and had to get it again, but he did call.
At the time I was in graduate school. We talked regularly about all sorts of stuff. It was great conversation and we'd talk for hours. The topic of meeting up seemed to be an uncomfortable one for him, and I was not exactly sure why since we had stressed early on that this didn't have to be a "dating" relationship. I don't know if he felt intimidated that I had more education. I don't know if my religious views or personal convictions made him uncomfortable. Whatever the case, he was unwilling to meet and could not really justify why. Soon our talks began to slow. I was busy (as usual) and I didn't really know how to take the whole not wanting to meet and hang out.
We still send forwards to one another and text each other during the holidays, but that's about it.
Meeting him today was ironic. I had just done a search on Facebook and Myspace to see if he had by chance created a profile. My search was unsuccessful.
I felt like an idiot talking with him. I couldn't find the right words and I felt rushed. I was repetitive and caught off guard...(sigh) What makes me upset is he should have been the awkward one. I hadn't done anything wrong. We made cordial small talk and then kept moving. I couldn't let it go though. I think he bolted out of the store because I didn't see him anywhere after that.
I decided to text message him on the way home. I just mentioned that it was nice seeing him. He responded with a "finally" type of message with humor. I agreed. His last text stated he was elusive. I didn't quite know how to respond except to say it was true--and, maybe true for both of us.
Maybe it would have been better for me to have shopped in my own neighborhood.
A more fitting title may be "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Market"...
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