Highway to Heaven...or so it seems...

Well, this spring and summer have kept me particularly busy on the weekends...so much that I have been neglecting being in my church on Sundays, Wednesdays, or any other time of the week. I've been in other churches or traveling on Sundays, and I have found myself feeling like a stranger when I enter the parking lot of my church.

In fact, about three weeks ago when I happened to be at my church, one of the women I know looked at me and said, "Hey, you used to work with the cheerleaders, right? You've stopped attending church here. Where are you now?"

I was speechless for a moment, but then explained that I was still a member, but I lived a few towns over with work and travel taking some of my time that had normally been given with the church. It was enough to appease her, but it did not sit well with me. While I love that I attend a large church where I don't get called out or feel like I have to volunteer for every little event, I want to feel like I have a church family that knows what is going on with me--and me them.

My church is about 30 minutes away and gas prices have certainly put a damper on my joy rides across Hampton Roads to worship God. When Vacation Bible School time came, I was just not willing to put in the drive--not after working a 10 hour day and did I mention gas prices? Sadly, my time off from my church has left me praying and reflecting on what I am going to do: to travel and pay gas or not to? That is the question.

When I was in college, I attended a church in town that I enjoyed. The pastor was great, and they had wonderful members. Being a college kiddo, it was great having their support; they watched out for me. The pastor still keeps up with me, and I know I can call on him when I need to talk to someone about things going on in my life. I slowly stopped attending because I felt like I was not getting enough with the message. Soon I began searching for another place to attend and joined the church where I am a member now when my godsister, who was a member, invited me. The church met my needs on a variety of levels. I was going through a major storm in my life that I wanted to be able to deal with without being around those that knew me and could see me at moment of weakness. The church helped largely in my healing process, and I still love it. I just wish I could be there more frequently to serve regularly in a ministry and feel like I was in true fellowship with other believers.

Since being a resident in my current location for 10 years, I have been able to visit and get out to more churches. There is one church where many of my closest friends attend, and I've found myself there more often. The members are so kind and they've had me to participate in their services for a variety of things. I know the students because most of them have attended schools where I've worked or volunteered. They are like family and I've taken to them...I am just not convinced that I want to jump and switch up membership.

This week I even found myself attending their Vacation Bible School. I was not a stranger or just some outsider. I was able to go in to a class and really enjoy the lessons being taught. It was like being home. I know they're praying for my family and for me to come join them *smile*...We'll see...I just know that with gas prices and the cost of living going up something will have to give. My time and energy at work prevent from being able to jump in the car and just travel down the highway; I have to be able to get my spiritual growth.

Perhaps I need to heed my pastor's words that when we move to a new location we find a place to shop, get groceries, work, etc. So, just as we find those things, it is imperative that we also locate a church. I'll keep praying and will see what will happen.

frivolous fridays

I have always looked forward to my Fridays during the summer. Unlike the normal school year, I work 10+ hour work days, Monday through Thursday, to secure Fridays for an additional day of play, rest and time for myself. (Side: I am convinced that education may be in better shape with longer days of school and three day weekends, but that's just me.)

Today was different from my normal Friday routine of sleeping in and lounging around for a large part of the day. I was up early and dressed by 8:50 AM. Lp had invited me on her day of errands. The twins had swim practice at 8:30 for an hour, and she was going to swing by and get me once they finished up. Lp has 4 kids--the oldest will be a high schooler next year and the youngest are twins that will be seven in the fall.

Well, the crew came for me around 10:30, and then we picked up Lp's sister and journeyed down to Hampton to begin the day of errands.

I enjoy my time with Lp and her family. They've taken me (and my family) in as their own, and they look out for me. The day was so enjoyable even though I'm struggling to keep my eyes open, having gotten home not too long ago.

I think I enjoy my time with them because it does bring back memories of my childhood when my mom and one her closest girlfriends, her kids, and I would have days like this in the summer. We'd venture to Northern Virginia and shop all day, finding summer bargains and getting new stuff for the upcoming school year. The talks, the food, and the findings (of course) were times well spent and so much fun. We had worked hard all year, and this was the time for playing hard. Shopping all day and then getting home to enjoy all the new purchases.

Today wasn't really about enjoying new stuff for me since most of my shopping was done for others, which makes me feel great! It was truly about the friendship and time with people whom mean so much to me. I thank God for today. It gets me excited and looking forward to my family's reunion tomorrow.

Now, I have to work into my summer "smut" reading to truly set my season off; it's almost as necessary as the lighting of the grill, a trip to the beach, or bushel of crabs. I try to get in some educational reading, too, but I just need a few "mindless" reads that will pull me from the idiot box, computer, and work.

It's summer! And, I must not let my realization of time ticking get the best of me because I will surely miss the great things summer brings.

Lantern

Dr. Ford,

I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how cool you are. On a journey of darkness, I went to your workshop a few months ago, and you became the lantern guiding me on this path called a career.

The eagerness I had for beginning a doctorate was restored as you spouted out facts that were meaningful and true. Addressing the state of education in this nation, you shared information about children that look like me. While the truth hurt, the passion I once had for this profession lit up within and I was on fire and you knew it. Others may have been offended and not ready for what you had to say, but I thank you for your realness. I thank you for being confident and knowing who you are and what needs to occur in education for the wrongs to be righted. I thank you for not backing down to the one they "show honor to" even if he didn't acknowledge you in the thereafter sessions and meetings...

You gave it! Yes, you stuck it to us while keeping a smile and never skipping a beat. All the while they watched, feeling set up and let down because they could not box you or classify you as they're so used to doing to us. No, they could not get at you because that was not your concern or purpose. But, for a couple of hours you became their worse nightmare: an intelligent black woman with a PhD.

Where do I sign up?!?

So, here's to you, Dr. Donna Ford, for saving my people and restoring in me the dream that equity in education can one day occur. While I am excited for new hopes and accomplishments we never thought we'd live the day to see (i.e., a black presidential candidate), I realize there are many in this world blinded to the setbacks we continue to face that challenge our being and worth on a daily basis. I long for the day when my college alma mater will no longer have to rely on the monies of a legacy that determines the state of its educational program today. They don't care about the impact on all of its customers, nor does progress concern them. They fear its college's reputation.

Where were these concerned philanthropists when the frats ran around in black face and confederate flags during my years there? I am sure they must have been aware of--and found it down right embarrassing when--the KKK society posted signs everywhere about what the "kaucasians" needed. I suppose those issues never would have turned away those giving back because I did not matter. A cross on a yard, a mascot, a sex show were the important matters, but I digress.

Daily, I ask the Lord for wisdom in a world that finds me ignorant, uneducated, and inferior. I've dealt with it my whole life, and it's no different today. One slip up and I know it's accounted to my race, my people, and I cannot recover.

Dr. Donna Ford, you became a lantern, admitting your light ever so bright! You've become the lighthouse I will use to guide me in reaching the goals I have so I can fulfill the purposes I was brought here to accomplish. I pray my best days can match your worse days because I know those days are even dynamic in your world.

One day I will be their worst nightmare; I promise you that. However, it will be worth the fight if it can make an educational impact on our teachers and students. Bring it.

With kindest personal regard,

* * *

PS - I will study under you...just show me the money!

The Choice To Be...

I spent a better part of my work day at The Colonial Services Board with a crisis specialist, student and mother. The family is experiencing many domestic issues and there are so many dynamics, from the student being a biracial child adopted by a white family to the adopted father passing away late last year to the adopted mother now officially dating the man she was having an affair with before the husband's sudden death...Yes, I am telling the truth. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

The student came to school today devastated that all the material things in her room had been removed. The discovery came around midnight the night before when she was dropped off at home by a couple of minors who had taken her from school grounds after summer school. Her mom had no idea where she was or who she was with. And, this situation was on the lighter side compared to the weekend's events. The child felt Mom was wrong to take all of her things. The Mom was upset for the child's ungratefulness. Both were at fault for many, many things....It shouldn't be this way.

Now, I have finished reading a devotional for the day, and it brings me back to today's events. This devotional took time to highlight a family that lost their son at early age in his battle with a genetic disorder. The parents exemplified the powerful gift of loving and being thankful for what we are given. They knew the child wasn't going to live a full life, but they did not just give up, become bitter, or harp on the child's final day of life. Instead, they were joyful and celebrated the time with the son.

More often than not I am encountering those who really miss the "secrets" of life. They'd rather complain than find a solution. And, those who are given the solution continue with the moaning. While I find myself typically trying to keep upbeat, this week I came to a drained point where I had no more to give. One of the teachers in the building for the summer had come to my office first thing for some materials and documents. We talked and I got her the information and she left. She then came back a few minutes later and said, "I am sorry, but are you okay? You just don't seem to be your normal--upbeat--self." I made a face and then rambled out something that was not the truth to avoid giving up my frustration and forced a smile to keep her moving. I wanted so badly to be in my good mood, knowing the many blessings that are in my life; however, I just couldn't shake the mood.

In reading today's devotional, the guilt engulfs my spirit. Here I was today trying to speak a word to this student and mother about appreciating each other and avoiding unnecessary pain, yet in my heart I knew I had not been doing that.

Blessings come in many different forms. I know some would look at today's situation as a terrible one, but I needed God to reveal Himself through this family. This storm is temporary for this family. They will prevail and this child will be okay.

I will rest my head on the pillow tonight and be thankful for a long weekend because of a holiday, friends that stick close to me and are always there, my mom who wants to hear my voice daily, my brother whose doctor appointment today brought him some relief, my other brother who can be all the way on the other side of the world but still shielded and protected by the same God we're all serving, the phone conversation with a new friend that I pray will be around for a long time to come...

Despite imperfections, I am glad for second chances to prove appreciation and joy no matter the problem.