The school year is now well into the transitional phase and we've already arrived at interim. The honeymoon period has come to a close and the referrals and discipline now need addressing. With the slightest blink, twenty more emails pop up. As I make one appointment, there are at least three other parents requesting the same attention and needs. And, with every kind, supportive parent, there is the one who is irate and feels they know what it best for their child. My expertise is challenged, questioned, stampeded upon, or underminded. Teachers want a moment to vent and be heard. The chocolate drawer needs more chocolate. Blinds are provided on my office windows to provide privacy, but it is seen as one more way to separate and hide from everyone. And it's only 8:45 AM...I haven't even addressed my personal life...
My personal life. You keep me from home at all hours. When I am at your place, I feel guilty that those passing see my car parked early in the morning or late at night. Truth be told people have commented and realize the time spent and hours given. YOU engulf my time. Who has time to plan a class reunion, tend to the tasks a maid-of-honor should tend to, or give time to a brother in Iraq, nephew here without his dad, etc. etc??? Oddly, I'm willing to sit and fight with your many visitors. I compromise myself for reasons beyond my comprehension, but before I go any further I should really explain. YOU are my work. About two years ago a mentor looked me in the eye and explained that the type of work we do could best be compared to a dirty love affair: She was married to her husband and her work. Some years prior to this conversation, another mentor told me that to come into education I would have to learn to balance my work and personal lives...On most days I know I've failed this small piece of advice.
Solitude. I come home late and know there is so much to tend to and do. My reality is the hours are ticking and in a short amount of time I'll be awake and back at work for at least 10 hours--usually 12. I come in and I don't want to blog. I don't want to talk to anyone on the phone. I don't feel like going out with just anyone. I fight sleep in order to accomplish more school work or tasks around the home...Tonight I sat and talked with God. As I read my devotional, I had to rejoice for the timely message of solitude. The quiet moments I get to myself are so precious and needed. I sit in my silence and reflect, cry, pray, read, BE...It's in such moments that my strength and energy are renewed. I have a chance to refresh myself to make it through the next day of busy assignments. Solitude gives me the opportunity to smile, endure, and handle the many fires that come to my office door on the regular.
I won't always have these moments of solitude. And so on tonight I pause for a moment to bask in it, love it, and remember why it's so needed.
