Matters of the Heart

...Every opportunity is given to choose right. Somehow I continue to take the challenge. Only time will tell; however, history is one of the best predictors of future behavior. So I walk slowly into this knowing I'm taking a risk and even shutting doors of opportunities...I pray this journey will be different from times before; I'm told it just may be. Why am I sitting here, though, feeling like I've been punked?

The saying goes "Be careful what you ask [pray] for."

Lord, I'm battling matters of the heart. Be our guide.





And just when hope had almost dried up, faith stepped in and restored me.

...always right on time...

Celebrating Her Life

One weekend you're celebrating life and the joining together of two as one. Two mothers excited that their children have found true love in each other and are transitioning into the next phase of life. The following weekend you're watching a mother mourn the loss of her fourteen year old child and only daughter in a high school auditorium of classmates, teachers, and community. We all sit with our tissues and sniffling, wondering why her precious life was made short. We sit and trust that God's perfect will is not always to be understood. I hear her mom praising God for the time given but grieving that she'll never get that moment of seeing her graduate, attend prom, or get married. Even now hours later the tears are still flowing and it hurts.

When I got the call early last Sunday morning, I couldn't stop to let it sink in...We were in the bridal suite and so much was taking place. My sorors took a moment to make sure I was okay, and we moved on to be there for the bride. I spent a better part of this week blocking today out of my head and avoiding having to really reflect. By the week's end, my faculty knew I wasn't myself and I only took time to share with one of the teachers what was going on, but it still wasn't sticking at that point.

Peace will come but I pray she knew the impact she made in my life and those that worked with her. Her spirit was sweet and she was always quiet. She watched, observed, and got it. She understood that life was bigger than the issues her classmates made into drama.

I never thought I'd encounter as many deaths as I have since I became an educator. There's been Amanda, Keegan, LaTrell, and now Marissa...I thank God for the time He entrusted me with these students. I pray that because of that time lives were changed and made a little better. I see each little face with a smile and remember special moments and times spent together, laughter shared, and pieces of our lives given.

Marissa, like your mother, I look forward to the day when we are together again, never to part...

Have you ever considered suicide as the only way?
Have you ever tried to hide yourself behind the things you say?
Have you ever wanted to protect your friends and everyone in sight?
Have you ever felt such pain that you cried yourself to sleep at night?
Have you ever lived my life? Spent one minute in my shoes?
If you haven't, then tell me why you judge me life you do.

Written by Marissa Canady, RIP