Extra! Extra!

For the record, I am too nice.

For the record, you're so extra...

There are times when I freeze up in conversations with people to avoid conflict. I often fear imposing my feelings upon them. This trait has its benefits as well as its drawbacks. My gut reaction and thoughts would truly send people over the edge. How do I know? Well, when pushed beyond limit, I tend to deliver the uncut. I've been called "cut-throat" plenty of times. I know some of my childhood friends could easily testify to this and would likely be surprised to know how reserved I have become in my ripe old age. Even some of my mentees and students would debate there is nothing quiet about me, but they're a whole other case and don't count.

Often, I choose not to tell people about themselves because no one is perfect. I am no one's judge and at the end of the day we will all be held accountable. I also choose not to discuss or share deeper truths because once I have released it to God, I really have let it go and moved on (in an unphased and okay manner)...We cannot stay off the path forever and life is too short with too many great things promised to us than to struggle and mope around sadly about isolated happenings. Wouldn't I be going against everything I know as a believer to go into a phased mode by something insignificant? It would be one thing if I was still a child, but as an adult it is beyond me to hold a grudge or behave childishly.

However, this moves into another important life lesson: Not everyone is going to be best friends in this walk. This is likely the hardest lesson I have had to learn--as a child and (now) adult. I especially have to know this in the my position through work. The motto is: It's not personal; it's business! This serves as a truth for work, church, sorority life, etc. We can believe and invest in the mission and vision without having to discuss anything outside that. In other words, at work there are a lot of folks who are great at what they do when it comes to our clientele; however, there are several that I would never spend time with outside of work simply because we have different intersts and values.

A lot to preface, but much to get off the mind...

Today I held my tongue. Not because I am upset or sad as you have told yourself, but because, quite frankly, I do not care. I held my tongue to spare your feelings because you really have not taken the time to consider mine...Your only worry is about what your choices have done to make me respond the way I am responding to you now when you never really considered that this could be the outcome. (A logical outcome I might add.) If you have made a decision in your heart about where you are being led, do not worry about what I or others think. It is not up for discussion, justification, or even advice. Just do it. As it turns out, we have to work together because we belong to the same organization with similar passions; therefore, I will respect and be cordial to you. Otherwise, I really have no other need because outside of that I have lost all respect...And that is okay.

At the end of the day, it is safe to say that the issue that surfaced became less complicated the moment you shared you needed out. Respectfully, I accepted, reflected, prayed and put it on the alter. Deeper truth - it's been done. I only wish you knew me well enough to know that there were other items and factors in my life that surfaced before you and were there after you that may have contributed to any "pain" I have experienced in the past year. But, if it helps to add me to the list of those you've managed to push away, I'll never argue otherwise.