...Every opportunity is given to choose right. Somehow I continue to take the challenge. Only time will tell; however, history is one of the best predictors of future behavior. So I walk slowly into this knowing I'm taking a risk and even shutting doors of opportunities...I pray this journey will be different from times before; I'm told it just may be. Why am I sitting here, though, feeling like I've been punked?
The saying goes "Be careful what you ask [pray] for."
Lord, I'm battling matters of the heart. Be our guide.
And just when hope had almost dried up, faith stepped in and restored me.
...always right on time...
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Celebrating Her Life
One weekend you're celebrating life and the joining together of two as one. Two mothers excited that their children have found true love in each other and are transitioning into the next phase of life. The following weekend you're watching a mother mourn the loss of her fourteen year old child and only daughter in a high school auditorium of classmates, teachers, and community. We all sit with our tissues and sniffling, wondering why her precious life was made short. We sit and trust that God's perfect will is not always to be understood. I hear her mom praising God for the time given but grieving that she'll never get that moment of seeing her graduate, attend prom, or get married. Even now hours later the tears are still flowing and it hurts.
When I got the call early last Sunday morning, I couldn't stop to let it sink in...We were in the bridal suite and so much was taking place. My sorors took a moment to make sure I was okay, and we moved on to be there for the bride. I spent a better part of this week blocking today out of my head and avoiding having to really reflect. By the week's end, my faculty knew I wasn't myself and I only took time to share with one of the teachers what was going on, but it still wasn't sticking at that point.
Peace will come but I pray she knew the impact she made in my life and those that worked with her. Her spirit was sweet and she was always quiet. She watched, observed, and got it. She understood that life was bigger than the issues her classmates made into drama.
I never thought I'd encounter as many deaths as I have since I became an educator. There's been Amanda, Keegan, LaTrell, and now Marissa...I thank God for the time He entrusted me with these students. I pray that because of that time lives were changed and made a little better. I see each little face with a smile and remember special moments and times spent together, laughter shared, and pieces of our lives given.
Marissa, like your mother, I look forward to the day when we are together again, never to part...
Have you ever considered suicide as the only way?
Have you ever tried to hide yourself behind the things you say?
Have you ever wanted to protect your friends and everyone in sight?
Have you ever felt such pain that you cried yourself to sleep at night?
Have you ever lived my life? Spent one minute in my shoes?
If you haven't, then tell me why you judge me life you do.
Written by Marissa Canady, RIP
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Solitude
The school year is now well into the transitional phase and we've already arrived at interim. The honeymoon period has come to a close and the referrals and discipline now need addressing. With the slightest blink, twenty more emails pop up. As I make one appointment, there are at least three other parents requesting the same attention and needs. And, with every kind, supportive parent, there is the one who is irate and feels they know what it best for their child. My expertise is challenged, questioned, stampeded upon, or underminded. Teachers want a moment to vent and be heard. The chocolate drawer needs more chocolate. Blinds are provided on my office windows to provide privacy, but it is seen as one more way to separate and hide from everyone. And it's only 8:45 AM...I haven't even addressed my personal life...
My personal life. You keep me from home at all hours. When I am at your place, I feel guilty that those passing see my car parked early in the morning or late at night. Truth be told people have commented and realize the time spent and hours given. YOU engulf my time. Who has time to plan a class reunion, tend to the tasks a maid-of-honor should tend to, or give time to a brother in Iraq, nephew here without his dad, etc. etc??? Oddly, I'm willing to sit and fight with your many visitors. I compromise myself for reasons beyond my comprehension, but before I go any further I should really explain. YOU are my work. About two years ago a mentor looked me in the eye and explained that the type of work we do could best be compared to a dirty love affair: She was married to her husband and her work. Some years prior to this conversation, another mentor told me that to come into education I would have to learn to balance my work and personal lives...On most days I know I've failed this small piece of advice.
Solitude. I come home late and know there is so much to tend to and do. My reality is the hours are ticking and in a short amount of time I'll be awake and back at work for at least 10 hours--usually 12. I come in and I don't want to blog. I don't want to talk to anyone on the phone. I don't feel like going out with just anyone. I fight sleep in order to accomplish more school work or tasks around the home...Tonight I sat and talked with God. As I read my devotional, I had to rejoice for the timely message of solitude. The quiet moments I get to myself are so precious and needed. I sit in my silence and reflect, cry, pray, read, BE...It's in such moments that my strength and energy are renewed. I have a chance to refresh myself to make it through the next day of busy assignments. Solitude gives me the opportunity to smile, endure, and handle the many fires that come to my office door on the regular.
I won't always have these moments of solitude. And so on tonight I pause for a moment to bask in it, love it, and remember why it's so needed.
My personal life. You keep me from home at all hours. When I am at your place, I feel guilty that those passing see my car parked early in the morning or late at night. Truth be told people have commented and realize the time spent and hours given. YOU engulf my time. Who has time to plan a class reunion, tend to the tasks a maid-of-honor should tend to, or give time to a brother in Iraq, nephew here without his dad, etc. etc??? Oddly, I'm willing to sit and fight with your many visitors. I compromise myself for reasons beyond my comprehension, but before I go any further I should really explain. YOU are my work. About two years ago a mentor looked me in the eye and explained that the type of work we do could best be compared to a dirty love affair: She was married to her husband and her work. Some years prior to this conversation, another mentor told me that to come into education I would have to learn to balance my work and personal lives...On most days I know I've failed this small piece of advice.
Solitude. I come home late and know there is so much to tend to and do. My reality is the hours are ticking and in a short amount of time I'll be awake and back at work for at least 10 hours--usually 12. I come in and I don't want to blog. I don't want to talk to anyone on the phone. I don't feel like going out with just anyone. I fight sleep in order to accomplish more school work or tasks around the home...Tonight I sat and talked with God. As I read my devotional, I had to rejoice for the timely message of solitude. The quiet moments I get to myself are so precious and needed. I sit in my silence and reflect, cry, pray, read, BE...It's in such moments that my strength and energy are renewed. I have a chance to refresh myself to make it through the next day of busy assignments. Solitude gives me the opportunity to smile, endure, and handle the many fires that come to my office door on the regular.
I won't always have these moments of solitude. And so on tonight I pause for a moment to bask in it, love it, and remember why it's so needed.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Reflect & Remember. Learn Then Grow.
Okay. I have a headache that is causing me to squint...Is that the word I want, "squint"??? UGH...pain...much pain.
All right, this is a brief entry. It's a reflection for self growth and later reflecting. You know, metacognitive?
No, really, I am going to get it out! The thought for the day--or question, rather, is: Do you ever do the right thing but still feel guilty about it?
The response to the question was, "Sucks, doesn't it?" However, I think it does not...depending on how you choose to deal with it...
Tonight I took a stance on something that has truly been giving me restless nights. In my spiritual convictions and values, my spirit and flesh were in battle. My flesh almost won, but thank God for the prayers of my spiritual partner for the week. I know she's had my back. I was faithful, honest about the areas where I need to grow, and I know she has truly been praying on my behalf. So, it was no coincidence that a good friend of mine was determined to stay on me today. While she doesn't know anything about my prayer partner or any of my personal battles, she was persistent in taking time to speak with me today. When we couldn't fit in a lunch outing, she called three times until we were both free and no longer playing tag. We talked the issue out and she helped me in focusing my feelings and making a sound choice.
The guilt I'll live with if it means a blessing will be delivered in the end. Positive consequences, people!
Call this entry a praise report. Just know that I am excited for the move of faithfulness. It's a huge step, and He knows it.
I'm out!
All right, this is a brief entry. It's a reflection for self growth and later reflecting. You know, metacognitive?
No, really, I am going to get it out! The thought for the day--or question, rather, is: Do you ever do the right thing but still feel guilty about it?
The response to the question was, "Sucks, doesn't it?" However, I think it does not...depending on how you choose to deal with it...
Tonight I took a stance on something that has truly been giving me restless nights. In my spiritual convictions and values, my spirit and flesh were in battle. My flesh almost won, but thank God for the prayers of my spiritual partner for the week. I know she's had my back. I was faithful, honest about the areas where I need to grow, and I know she has truly been praying on my behalf. So, it was no coincidence that a good friend of mine was determined to stay on me today. While she doesn't know anything about my prayer partner or any of my personal battles, she was persistent in taking time to speak with me today. When we couldn't fit in a lunch outing, she called three times until we were both free and no longer playing tag. We talked the issue out and she helped me in focusing my feelings and making a sound choice.
The guilt I'll live with if it means a blessing will be delivered in the end. Positive consequences, people!
Call this entry a praise report. Just know that I am excited for the move of faithfulness. It's a huge step, and He knows it.
I'm out!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
o8.o8.o8 ~ the olympics
We read about Super Heroes in comic books. You know, Incredible Hulk, Batman, Spiderman? In the theatres, Will Smith just did an amazing film based on a Super Hero, Hancock. While it'll likely not win any awards, its plot is certainly one that any literary fanatic could appreciate; I would love to use it in teaching a course.
This year's Olympics are in Beijing, and tonight Michael Phelps of Baltimore, Maryland, broke a huge record, winning EIGHT gold medals. Surely our athletes are as close to Super Hero stardom as it gets. Watching the competitions are amazing. Different ages, events, ethnicities, backgrounds...The theme of the Olympics being "One World One Dream." My hat goes off to athletes, watching their strength and talents.
I'm typically one to frown at the amount of money we're willing to put in going to NBA and NFL games and purchasing jerseys or shoes. It amazes me how we pay athletes more than we pay educators; however, in watching this week's showcase of events, I'm forced to pause and praise the good. These are people doing something powerful and for that I have to get excited and celebrate. Our youth need positive encounters with those tapping into their passions and purposes.
I'll end with a quote that came from Dara Torres, "Don't put an age limit on your dreams."
Meanwhile, a Jamaican sprinter has just broken times that are like video game fast. (sigh) Truly amazing...9.69 was the time...Usain Bolt, you go boy!!!
This year's Olympics are in Beijing, and tonight Michael Phelps of Baltimore, Maryland, broke a huge record, winning EIGHT gold medals. Surely our athletes are as close to Super Hero stardom as it gets. Watching the competitions are amazing. Different ages, events, ethnicities, backgrounds...The theme of the Olympics being "One World One Dream." My hat goes off to athletes, watching their strength and talents.
I'm typically one to frown at the amount of money we're willing to put in going to NBA and NFL games and purchasing jerseys or shoes. It amazes me how we pay athletes more than we pay educators; however, in watching this week's showcase of events, I'm forced to pause and praise the good. These are people doing something powerful and for that I have to get excited and celebrate. Our youth need positive encounters with those tapping into their passions and purposes.
I'll end with a quote that came from Dara Torres, "Don't put an age limit on your dreams."
Meanwhile, a Jamaican sprinter has just broken times that are like video game fast. (sigh) Truly amazing...9.69 was the time...Usain Bolt, you go boy!!!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
'Nun' on the Love Boat
Does he like me? Can he hang with my family & friends? Can I take him around my colleagues? What do we have in common? Am I in like, lust, or infactuation? Is he marriage material? Does he understand my work? Does he know my name? Am I ready to settle down? Am I just too picky?
More often than not I find these questions popping up all over the place. I usually try to fight the feeling, focusing on my spiritual walk, work, and anything else that can keep me from flirting with temptation. Unfortunately, I am human, meaning flesh gives in and the strong desires of my heart leave me going back into the war zone of dating in search of that special someone. I usually act too fast, figure it out in the midst, and walk away being hurt or being the one to do the hurting. The routine gets old fast, and you'd think I would have learned my lesson by now. Sadly, we're all mistaken!
When I travel the road of the single life, doing my thing, some people look at me like I have three heads. They question me and want to know my reasons for not having someone in my life: What's wrong with you? They try to determine why I am not sad and sitting around sobbing or out there in search like some mad hunter that must get its prey. I think I've covered this topic in another entry (smile).
I am at an age where I feel I am surrounded by many who have found love, are married, have families and are intoxicated in the concept of two lives now being one. I became excited tonight when even my pastor announced his own engagement, but couldn't help think that even my dear pastor's found that "special" someone. Am I not showing up at the right places???
It comes down to priorities (and God's timing of course). I need to determine what I want. The last few guys I have dated have informed me that my priority is not on my love life and getting married but on work and getting my professional goals out of the way. I see their points.
So tonight as I type I realize I have decisions to make. I had vowed to "kiss dating goodbye" until I was truly committed to the idea of a commitment that could open the door to more. The well certainly isn't dry, so I have to face that question of: what are you waiting for? Admittedly, there is fear. However, I am not putting this entry down for solicited advice or words of encouragement. It's more of a confirmation to self of what is in store on the road ahead. Decisions to make...
On a side, I love the quiet walk my pastor has taken in this courtship and now public announcement. It's a short engagement with a marriage that will occur this Saturday including only the most important people in their lives to share in the event. Understandably, I know this is not his first marriage so perhaps it makes sense not to have something big; however, the courtship has been one that has made its own developments without a scene, acknowledging its time and presence. I love it, and it makes me joyous on so many levels. These actions have helped me in my own personal growth. I joke that I will get married in Las Vegas and just pop up one day to casually share my great news. There is truth in joking. And, it's certainly not to down play the blessing of the event, but I know there's more to this crazy thought of mine than I let on...
In closing, the love boat's a'rockin' & this nun is trying hard not to get tossed into the sea of NONE. (LOL!)
More often than not I find these questions popping up all over the place. I usually try to fight the feeling, focusing on my spiritual walk, work, and anything else that can keep me from flirting with temptation. Unfortunately, I am human, meaning flesh gives in and the strong desires of my heart leave me going back into the war zone of dating in search of that special someone. I usually act too fast, figure it out in the midst, and walk away being hurt or being the one to do the hurting. The routine gets old fast, and you'd think I would have learned my lesson by now. Sadly, we're all mistaken!
When I travel the road of the single life, doing my thing, some people look at me like I have three heads. They question me and want to know my reasons for not having someone in my life: What's wrong with you? They try to determine why I am not sad and sitting around sobbing or out there in search like some mad hunter that must get its prey. I think I've covered this topic in another entry (smile).
I am at an age where I feel I am surrounded by many who have found love, are married, have families and are intoxicated in the concept of two lives now being one. I became excited tonight when even my pastor announced his own engagement, but couldn't help think that even my dear pastor's found that "special" someone. Am I not showing up at the right places???
It comes down to priorities (and God's timing of course). I need to determine what I want. The last few guys I have dated have informed me that my priority is not on my love life and getting married but on work and getting my professional goals out of the way. I see their points.
So tonight as I type I realize I have decisions to make. I had vowed to "kiss dating goodbye" until I was truly committed to the idea of a commitment that could open the door to more. The well certainly isn't dry, so I have to face that question of: what are you waiting for? Admittedly, there is fear. However, I am not putting this entry down for solicited advice or words of encouragement. It's more of a confirmation to self of what is in store on the road ahead. Decisions to make...
On a side, I love the quiet walk my pastor has taken in this courtship and now public announcement. It's a short engagement with a marriage that will occur this Saturday including only the most important people in their lives to share in the event. Understandably, I know this is not his first marriage so perhaps it makes sense not to have something big; however, the courtship has been one that has made its own developments without a scene, acknowledging its time and presence. I love it, and it makes me joyous on so many levels. These actions have helped me in my own personal growth. I joke that I will get married in Las Vegas and just pop up one day to casually share my great news. There is truth in joking. And, it's certainly not to down play the blessing of the event, but I know there's more to this crazy thought of mine than I let on...
In closing, the love boat's a'rockin' & this nun is trying hard not to get tossed into the sea of NONE. (LOL!)
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
One Too Many Times...
You can tell me all you'd like that it's about heritage and that it's no big thing, but every time I see the confederate flag I am reminded of a history that destroyed people that look like me and still find us inferior. So you can imagine how I've been feeling a little more recently with the showings of this sign of "heritage."
Don't get me wrong. I grew up in a town where kids I walked down the hall with, ate with, laughed with wore such shirts. They rocked the sign on their monster trucks and were affectionately known as (proud) rednecks. I didn't feel hate, per se. But I tried never to make an issue of it either...And I was not alone. It was what it was.
This weekend I was intentionally enjoying idle time, watching a little trash television with wholesome naps in between. If you recall, my "trash" t.v. is that good ol' reality stuff. There's this show on cable where young ppl are engaged and getting married. In 30 minutes viewers watch the drama from the family and complications/obstables of the couple as they prepare to marry. This particular episode was a live show with the couple getting married in Times Square. They had done some taping prior to the show and were flashing to their homes when in the background of one shot I see this HUGE confederate flag pinned up on the wall. And, I have one of those "ah ha" moments: Why on earth am I watching this? Supporting these two that have likely used the "N" word and don't know anything about people that look like me...and likely don't want to know...
I turned the channel disgusted and Lifetime became the channel for the weekend. Well, on Monday evening I'm feeling awfully good about my craving for salad. I drive over to Chick-fil-A and get one of their garden salads. As I am pulling out, I am now behind this tight two seater, but clear as day is not one but TWO confederate flag bumper stickers. I become mad with a quickness. WTF???!!! I don't cuss people...really I don't. So feeling this way I knew I needed to calm it down. Luckily, my cell phone rang and I was able to vent and pour out to bring it down -- Thanks, friend!
Anyway, it's kept me in a most reflective mood, and I'm all the more sensitive to everything I see and hear. To end this entry, I leave you with two different links that put a spin or perspective on some things. There is a lot more I want to type just in scratching the surface on youth--black youth--and this topic; however, I must give more than a surface scratching so it'll have to wait for another evening and entry...No fear: it'll come. If not on here, definitely on that dissertation that will give me the title Doctor! LOL...Chew on that.
NOTE: Both of these links are graphic in language and/or content.
Link 1 - O'Reilly's Throwing a Lynching Party:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/star-jones/bill-oreillys-throwing-_b_88115.html?page=10
Link 2 - Abolish the "N" Word
http://www.abolishthenword.com/
Friday, July 25, 2008
Highway to Heaven...or so it seems...
Well, this spring and summer have kept me particularly busy on the weekends...so much that I have been neglecting being in my church on Sundays, Wednesdays, or any other time of the week. I've been in other churches or traveling on Sundays, and I have found myself feeling like a stranger when I enter the parking lot of my church.
In fact, about three weeks ago when I happened to be at my church, one of the women I know looked at me and said, "Hey, you used to work with the cheerleaders, right? You've stopped attending church here. Where are you now?"
I was speechless for a moment, but then explained that I was still a member, but I lived a few towns over with work and travel taking some of my time that had normally been given with the church. It was enough to appease her, but it did not sit well with me. While I love that I attend a large church where I don't get called out or feel like I have to volunteer for every little event, I want to feel like I have a church family that knows what is going on with me--and me them.
My church is about 30 minutes away and gas prices have certainly put a damper on my joy rides across Hampton Roads to worship God. When Vacation Bible School time came, I was just not willing to put in the drive--not after working a 10 hour day and did I mention gas prices? Sadly, my time off from my church has left me praying and reflecting on what I am going to do: to travel and pay gas or not to? That is the question.
When I was in college, I attended a church in town that I enjoyed. The pastor was great, and they had wonderful members. Being a college kiddo, it was great having their support; they watched out for me. The pastor still keeps up with me, and I know I can call on him when I need to talk to someone about things going on in my life. I slowly stopped attending because I felt like I was not getting enough with the message. Soon I began searching for another place to attend and joined the church where I am a member now when my godsister, who was a member, invited me. The church met my needs on a variety of levels. I was going through a major storm in my life that I wanted to be able to deal with without being around those that knew me and could see me at moment of weakness. The church helped largely in my healing process, and I still love it. I just wish I could be there more frequently to serve regularly in a ministry and feel like I was in true fellowship with other believers.
Since being a resident in my current location for 10 years, I have been able to visit and get out to more churches. There is one church where many of my closest friends attend, and I've found myself there more often. The members are so kind and they've had me to participate in their services for a variety of things. I know the students because most of them have attended schools where I've worked or volunteered. They are like family and I've taken to them...I am just not convinced that I want to jump and switch up membership.
This week I even found myself attending their Vacation Bible School. I was not a stranger or just some outsider. I was able to go in to a class and really enjoy the lessons being taught. It was like being home. I know they're praying for my family and for me to come join them *smile*...We'll see...I just know that with gas prices and the cost of living going up something will have to give. My time and energy at work prevent from being able to jump in the car and just travel down the highway; I have to be able to get my spiritual growth.
Perhaps I need to heed my pastor's words that when we move to a new location we find a place to shop, get groceries, work, etc. So, just as we find those things, it is imperative that we also locate a church. I'll keep praying and will see what will happen.
In fact, about three weeks ago when I happened to be at my church, one of the women I know looked at me and said, "Hey, you used to work with the cheerleaders, right? You've stopped attending church here. Where are you now?"
I was speechless for a moment, but then explained that I was still a member, but I lived a few towns over with work and travel taking some of my time that had normally been given with the church. It was enough to appease her, but it did not sit well with me. While I love that I attend a large church where I don't get called out or feel like I have to volunteer for every little event, I want to feel like I have a church family that knows what is going on with me--and me them.
My church is about 30 minutes away and gas prices have certainly put a damper on my joy rides across Hampton Roads to worship God. When Vacation Bible School time came, I was just not willing to put in the drive--not after working a 10 hour day and did I mention gas prices? Sadly, my time off from my church has left me praying and reflecting on what I am going to do: to travel and pay gas or not to? That is the question.
When I was in college, I attended a church in town that I enjoyed. The pastor was great, and they had wonderful members. Being a college kiddo, it was great having their support; they watched out for me. The pastor still keeps up with me, and I know I can call on him when I need to talk to someone about things going on in my life. I slowly stopped attending because I felt like I was not getting enough with the message. Soon I began searching for another place to attend and joined the church where I am a member now when my godsister, who was a member, invited me. The church met my needs on a variety of levels. I was going through a major storm in my life that I wanted to be able to deal with without being around those that knew me and could see me at moment of weakness. The church helped largely in my healing process, and I still love it. I just wish I could be there more frequently to serve regularly in a ministry and feel like I was in true fellowship with other believers.
Since being a resident in my current location for 10 years, I have been able to visit and get out to more churches. There is one church where many of my closest friends attend, and I've found myself there more often. The members are so kind and they've had me to participate in their services for a variety of things. I know the students because most of them have attended schools where I've worked or volunteered. They are like family and I've taken to them...I am just not convinced that I want to jump and switch up membership.
This week I even found myself attending their Vacation Bible School. I was not a stranger or just some outsider. I was able to go in to a class and really enjoy the lessons being taught. It was like being home. I know they're praying for my family and for me to come join them *smile*...We'll see...I just know that with gas prices and the cost of living going up something will have to give. My time and energy at work prevent from being able to jump in the car and just travel down the highway; I have to be able to get my spiritual growth.
Perhaps I need to heed my pastor's words that when we move to a new location we find a place to shop, get groceries, work, etc. So, just as we find those things, it is imperative that we also locate a church. I'll keep praying and will see what will happen.
Friday, July 11, 2008
frivolous fridays
I have always looked forward to my Fridays during the summer. Unlike the normal school year, I work 10+ hour work days, Monday through Thursday, to secure Fridays for an additional day of play, rest and time for myself. (Side: I am convinced that education may be in better shape with longer days of school and three day weekends, but that's just me.)
Today was different from my normal Friday routine of sleeping in and lounging around for a large part of the day. I was up early and dressed by 8:50 AM. Lp had invited me on her day of errands. The twins had swim practice at 8:30 for an hour, and she was going to swing by and get me once they finished up. Lp has 4 kids--the oldest will be a high schooler next year and the youngest are twins that will be seven in the fall.
Well, the crew came for me around 10:30, and then we picked up Lp's sister and journeyed down to Hampton to begin the day of errands.
I enjoy my time with Lp and her family. They've taken me (and my family) in as their own, and they look out for me. The day was so enjoyable even though I'm struggling to keep my eyes open, having gotten home not too long ago.
I think I enjoy my time with them because it does bring back memories of my childhood when my mom and one her closest girlfriends, her kids, and I would have days like this in the summer. We'd venture to Northern Virginia and shop all day, finding summer bargains and getting new stuff for the upcoming school year. The talks, the food, and the findings (of course) were times well spent and so much fun. We had worked hard all year, and this was the time for playing hard. Shopping all day and then getting home to enjoy all the new purchases.
Today wasn't really about enjoying new stuff for me since most of my shopping was done for others, which makes me feel great! It was truly about the friendship and time with people whom mean so much to me. I thank God for today. It gets me excited and looking forward to my family's reunion tomorrow.
Now, I have to work into my summer "smut" reading to truly set my season off; it's almost as necessary as the lighting of the grill, a trip to the beach, or bushel of crabs. I try to get in some educational reading, too, but I just need a few "mindless" reads that will pull me from the idiot box, computer, and work.
It's summer! And, I must not let my realization of time ticking get the best of me because I will surely miss the great things summer brings.
Today was different from my normal Friday routine of sleeping in and lounging around for a large part of the day. I was up early and dressed by 8:50 AM. Lp had invited me on her day of errands. The twins had swim practice at 8:30 for an hour, and she was going to swing by and get me once they finished up. Lp has 4 kids--the oldest will be a high schooler next year and the youngest are twins that will be seven in the fall.
Well, the crew came for me around 10:30, and then we picked up Lp's sister and journeyed down to Hampton to begin the day of errands.
I enjoy my time with Lp and her family. They've taken me (and my family) in as their own, and they look out for me. The day was so enjoyable even though I'm struggling to keep my eyes open, having gotten home not too long ago.
I think I enjoy my time with them because it does bring back memories of my childhood when my mom and one her closest girlfriends, her kids, and I would have days like this in the summer. We'd venture to Northern Virginia and shop all day, finding summer bargains and getting new stuff for the upcoming school year. The talks, the food, and the findings (of course) were times well spent and so much fun. We had worked hard all year, and this was the time for playing hard. Shopping all day and then getting home to enjoy all the new purchases.
Today wasn't really about enjoying new stuff for me since most of my shopping was done for others, which makes me feel great! It was truly about the friendship and time with people whom mean so much to me. I thank God for today. It gets me excited and looking forward to my family's reunion tomorrow.
Now, I have to work into my summer "smut" reading to truly set my season off; it's almost as necessary as the lighting of the grill, a trip to the beach, or bushel of crabs. I try to get in some educational reading, too, but I just need a few "mindless" reads that will pull me from the idiot box, computer, and work.
It's summer! And, I must not let my realization of time ticking get the best of me because I will surely miss the great things summer brings.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Lantern
Dr. Ford,
I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how cool you are. On a journey of darkness, I went to your workshop a few months ago, and you became the lantern guiding me on this path called a career.
The eagerness I had for beginning a doctorate was restored as you spouted out facts that were meaningful and true. Addressing the state of education in this nation, you shared information about children that look like me. While the truth hurt, the passion I once had for this profession lit up within and I was on fire and you knew it. Others may have been offended and not ready for what you had to say, but I thank you for your realness. I thank you for being confident and knowing who you are and what needs to occur in education for the wrongs to be righted. I thank you for not backing down to the one they "show honor to" even if he didn't acknowledge you in the thereafter sessions and meetings...
You gave it! Yes, you stuck it to us while keeping a smile and never skipping a beat. All the while they watched, feeling set up and let down because they could not box you or classify you as they're so used to doing to us. No, they could not get at you because that was not your concern or purpose. But, for a couple of hours you became their worse nightmare: an intelligent black woman with a PhD.
Where do I sign up?!?
So, here's to you, Dr. Donna Ford, for saving my people and restoring in me the dream that equity in education can one day occur. While I am excited for new hopes and accomplishments we never thought we'd live the day to see (i.e., a black presidential candidate), I realize there are many in this world blinded to the setbacks we continue to face that challenge our being and worth on a daily basis. I long for the day when my college alma mater will no longer have to rely on the monies of a legacy that determines the state of its educational program today. They don't care about the impact on all of its customers, nor does progress concern them. They fear its college's reputation.
Where were these concerned philanthropists when the frats ran around in black face and confederate flags during my years there? I am sure they must have been aware of--and found it down right embarrassing when--the KKK society posted signs everywhere about what the "kaucasians" needed. I suppose those issues never would have turned away those giving back because I did not matter. A cross on a yard, a mascot, a sex show were the important matters, but I digress.
Daily, I ask the Lord for wisdom in a world that finds me ignorant, uneducated, and inferior. I've dealt with it my whole life, and it's no different today. One slip up and I know it's accounted to my race, my people, and I cannot recover.
Dr. Donna Ford, you became a lantern, admitting your light ever so bright! You've become the lighthouse I will use to guide me in reaching the goals I have so I can fulfill the purposes I was brought here to accomplish. I pray my best days can match your worse days because I know those days are even dynamic in your world.
One day I will be their worst nightmare; I promise you that. However, it will be worth the fight if it can make an educational impact on our teachers and students. Bring it.
I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how cool you are. On a journey of darkness, I went to your workshop a few months ago, and you became the lantern guiding me on this path called a career.
The eagerness I had for beginning a doctorate was restored as you spouted out facts that were meaningful and true. Addressing the state of education in this nation, you shared information about children that look like me. While the truth hurt, the passion I once had for this profession lit up within and I was on fire and you knew it. Others may have been offended and not ready for what you had to say, but I thank you for your realness. I thank you for being confident and knowing who you are and what needs to occur in education for the wrongs to be righted. I thank you for not backing down to the one they "show honor to" even if he didn't acknowledge you in the thereafter sessions and meetings...
You gave it! Yes, you stuck it to us while keeping a smile and never skipping a beat. All the while they watched, feeling set up and let down because they could not box you or classify you as they're so used to doing to us. No, they could not get at you because that was not your concern or purpose. But, for a couple of hours you became their worse nightmare: an intelligent black woman with a PhD.
Where do I sign up?!?
So, here's to you, Dr. Donna Ford, for saving my people and restoring in me the dream that equity in education can one day occur. While I am excited for new hopes and accomplishments we never thought we'd live the day to see (i.e., a black presidential candidate), I realize there are many in this world blinded to the setbacks we continue to face that challenge our being and worth on a daily basis. I long for the day when my college alma mater will no longer have to rely on the monies of a legacy that determines the state of its educational program today. They don't care about the impact on all of its customers, nor does progress concern them. They fear its college's reputation.
Where were these concerned philanthropists when the frats ran around in black face and confederate flags during my years there? I am sure they must have been aware of--and found it down right embarrassing when--the KKK society posted signs everywhere about what the "kaucasians" needed. I suppose those issues never would have turned away those giving back because I did not matter. A cross on a yard, a mascot, a sex show were the important matters, but I digress.
Daily, I ask the Lord for wisdom in a world that finds me ignorant, uneducated, and inferior. I've dealt with it my whole life, and it's no different today. One slip up and I know it's accounted to my race, my people, and I cannot recover.
Dr. Donna Ford, you became a lantern, admitting your light ever so bright! You've become the lighthouse I will use to guide me in reaching the goals I have so I can fulfill the purposes I was brought here to accomplish. I pray my best days can match your worse days because I know those days are even dynamic in your world.
One day I will be their worst nightmare; I promise you that. However, it will be worth the fight if it can make an educational impact on our teachers and students. Bring it.
With kindest personal regard,
* * *
PS - I will study under you...just show me the money!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
The Choice To Be...
I spent a better part of my work day at The Colonial Services Board with a crisis specialist, student and mother. The family is experiencing many domestic issues and there are so many dynamics, from the student being a biracial child adopted by a white family to the adopted father passing away late last year to the adopted mother now officially dating the man she was having an affair with before the husband's sudden death...Yes, I am telling the truth. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.
The student came to school today devastated that all the material things in her room had been removed. The discovery came around midnight the night before when she was dropped off at home by a couple of minors who had taken her from school grounds after summer school. Her mom had no idea where she was or who she was with. And, this situation was on the lighter side compared to the weekend's events. The child felt Mom was wrong to take all of her things. The Mom was upset for the child's ungratefulness. Both were at fault for many, many things....It shouldn't be this way.
Now, I have finished reading a devotional for the day, and it brings me back to today's events. This devotional took time to highlight a family that lost their son at early age in his battle with a genetic disorder. The parents exemplified the powerful gift of loving and being thankful for what we are given. They knew the child wasn't going to live a full life, but they did not just give up, become bitter, or harp on the child's final day of life. Instead, they were joyful and celebrated the time with the son.
More often than not I am encountering those who really miss the "secrets" of life. They'd rather complain than find a solution. And, those who are given the solution continue with the moaning. While I find myself typically trying to keep upbeat, this week I came to a drained point where I had no more to give. One of the teachers in the building for the summer had come to my office first thing for some materials and documents. We talked and I got her the information and she left. She then came back a few minutes later and said, "I am sorry, but are you okay? You just don't seem to be your normal--upbeat--self." I made a face and then rambled out something that was not the truth to avoid giving up my frustration and forced a smile to keep her moving. I wanted so badly to be in my good mood, knowing the many blessings that are in my life; however, I just couldn't shake the mood.
In reading today's devotional, the guilt engulfs my spirit. Here I was today trying to speak a word to this student and mother about appreciating each other and avoiding unnecessary pain, yet in my heart I knew I had not been doing that.
Blessings come in many different forms. I know some would look at today's situation as a terrible one, but I needed God to reveal Himself through this family. This storm is temporary for this family. They will prevail and this child will be okay.
I will rest my head on the pillow tonight and be thankful for a long weekend because of a holiday, friends that stick close to me and are always there, my mom who wants to hear my voice daily, my brother whose doctor appointment today brought him some relief, my other brother who can be all the way on the other side of the world but still shielded and protected by the same God we're all serving, the phone conversation with a new friend that I pray will be around for a long time to come...
Despite imperfections, I am glad for second chances to prove appreciation and joy no matter the problem.
The student came to school today devastated that all the material things in her room had been removed. The discovery came around midnight the night before when she was dropped off at home by a couple of minors who had taken her from school grounds after summer school. Her mom had no idea where she was or who she was with. And, this situation was on the lighter side compared to the weekend's events. The child felt Mom was wrong to take all of her things. The Mom was upset for the child's ungratefulness. Both were at fault for many, many things....It shouldn't be this way.
Now, I have finished reading a devotional for the day, and it brings me back to today's events. This devotional took time to highlight a family that lost their son at early age in his battle with a genetic disorder. The parents exemplified the powerful gift of loving and being thankful for what we are given. They knew the child wasn't going to live a full life, but they did not just give up, become bitter, or harp on the child's final day of life. Instead, they were joyful and celebrated the time with the son.
More often than not I am encountering those who really miss the "secrets" of life. They'd rather complain than find a solution. And, those who are given the solution continue with the moaning. While I find myself typically trying to keep upbeat, this week I came to a drained point where I had no more to give. One of the teachers in the building for the summer had come to my office first thing for some materials and documents. We talked and I got her the information and she left. She then came back a few minutes later and said, "I am sorry, but are you okay? You just don't seem to be your normal--upbeat--self." I made a face and then rambled out something that was not the truth to avoid giving up my frustration and forced a smile to keep her moving. I wanted so badly to be in my good mood, knowing the many blessings that are in my life; however, I just couldn't shake the mood.
In reading today's devotional, the guilt engulfs my spirit. Here I was today trying to speak a word to this student and mother about appreciating each other and avoiding unnecessary pain, yet in my heart I knew I had not been doing that.
Blessings come in many different forms. I know some would look at today's situation as a terrible one, but I needed God to reveal Himself through this family. This storm is temporary for this family. They will prevail and this child will be okay.
I will rest my head on the pillow tonight and be thankful for a long weekend because of a holiday, friends that stick close to me and are always there, my mom who wants to hear my voice daily, my brother whose doctor appointment today brought him some relief, my other brother who can be all the way on the other side of the world but still shielded and protected by the same God we're all serving, the phone conversation with a new friend that I pray will be around for a long time to come...
Despite imperfections, I am glad for second chances to prove appreciation and joy no matter the problem.
Monday, June 30, 2008
I Love It When...
Happy 91st Birthday, Lena Horne!!!* * *
Unproductive Mondays will continue to come, but I find myself today reflecting on the goodness of more recent happenings. Despite the situations that could prove challenging, the defeat rest in the hands of those wonderful people around me who stay encouraged and faithful in the midst of the storm. They choose this route, knowing that to be weathered is to be made stronger. After the storm comes the sun and new growth, and impurities are washed away. However, I love it when those going through the storm can still find the beauty while in that state...
I Love It When...
I make meals that come out splendid and to taste. (My shrimp and pasta dish tonight for dinner was THE BOMB, and I enjoyed every bite of the meal along with my freshly brewed SOUTHERN style sweet tea.)
I receive flowers--especially tulips!
I find the titles to songs that happened to be playing that no one would ever be able to just identify. (I was listening to a jazz set while driving home yesterday and heard this awesome song. Because there are NO WORDS I am going to have to really search to find the artist. However, it's the coolest once the search brings results.)
God answers prayers and is just all in the face with the response--good or bad. (I finally got real with God on Saturday about something in my life I've refused to truly acknowledge. As quickly as I could talk staight with Him, He began to work. While He's bringing me the unexpected, I'm enjoying the journey already. A Monday of surprises...God laughs whenever I tell Him MY plans. Then He comes with something more powerful or greater than my wildest imaginations could have ever taken me.)
My efforts and (hard) work are acknowledged and appreciated.
Others confirm what I've been thinking all along. (Enough said.)
I make someone else's day through a word, smile, or gesture.
I figure out difficult things on my own.
Friendships are powerful, true, and forever. (I really do have some of the most wonderful friends in the world. I know that a lot of folks feel that way, but for today the focus is me!)
Family is together. (My family is great.)
Love prevails.
Note to self: I needed this entry as a reminder for when this blessing comes to fruition because it's closer than it has ever been before. THANK YOU
Note to reader: Perhaps this entry makes NO sense to you. It really wasn't meant for you to understand as much as it was meant for me. Am I talking in code? I usually do (smile)!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Pomp & Circumstance, Talks, and Snapshots of Blessings...
Eric just texted messaged that he is on the plane and headed to war. As I type, tears stream down my face. I am a million emotions at once, but what is true and steadfast are God's words and promises. Six months will come and go quickly.
In the meantime, there is so much on my plate of "to dos"...
So, my hiatus from blogging has now ended since things have slightly slowed down at work and I need to do something to keep my mind off of Eric's leaving. I have so much I want to share, but I feel it a bit overwhelming to put it all in one entry.
The students finished up about two weeks ago, and the teachers have pretty much all checked out and are vacationing as well. Today, summer school began. Our building is housing all of the middle schools in addition to the multicultural programs for the division. Needless to say, the building was buzzing with children and adults all morning. We are also having many renovation projects take place at our school. You can just imagine some of the chaos. Our staffing is in great condition for next year; we've almost hired everyone for the upcoming year. The student's SOL scores came in sooner than anticipated, but I am still coding for transfer adjustments and recovery.
It is this time of the year that I am reflective most. I think this year was a bit more profound than other years for a couple of reasons. First, my oldest niece graduated from high school, which was a treat to celebrate and see. I can hardly believe she is out of grade school. She is an adult. She can drive. She's had a boyfriend...or two...Going to her commencement ceremony took me back ten years ago when I was in her shoes. I need to go back to those days since the planning and organizing of a reunion rest in my hands. I have an idea of what I want to see occur. The reunion is not until the fall, but there are many that are anxious and need the information in order to take off work or make flight arrangements. I managed to make connections with many of the students from my class using Facebook and Myspace. It is odd that I haven't seen or been in contact with most of these people since high school. It is nice to see what people are doing and where they are in their lives. However, on many levels we're still the same people.
The other excitement to this time in my life would have to be the many weddings that have occurred or will be occurring of friends that mean a lot to me. This past weekend I was in Crystal's wedding. We had such a good time, and everyone was so happy and the love could be felt. This upcoming weekend I'll be attending Joe and Jenny's wedding. It is a special experience to witness and be a part of such major events in the lives of those important to me. I'm the maid of honor for one of my sorority sisters who will be getting married in October. While there is a lot to do in preparing, I think of how special the actual day will be by performing the little things leading to the wedding.
Now, I've shared the snapshots of blessings and updated quickly on life happenings, but I have to end on the note of a testimony. A story of perhaps some disbelief or maybe one that won't seem all that important as I am making it out to be. One of my close friend's husband was really fascinated and even a bit bothered, sharing that I needed to blog the experience for awareness to others.
Weeks ago when I journeyed to St. Louis for my niece's graduation, I packed my digital camera. On the way to our destination, my mother commented that it was not wise of me to pack my camera in my luggage that I was not carrying on board with me because so many people go through our items and are untrustworthy. Of course, she freaked me out and before we left for the airport I opened my big suitcase and removed the camera, putting it with my carry on belongings. I didn't want the task of having to keep up with it because I know how I can be when it comes to travel or lugging around multiple things. I can be one tracked, very easily misplacing "stuff". The trip was an interesting one. We flew over St. Louis for almost an hour watching a light show in the sky since the airport had closed the runways. The pilot determined we'd go to Kansas City for fuel and to determine what to do with us. We got into St. Louis well after midnight and as we were getting our luggage saw Allen Iverson claiming his luggage from his Denver flight. I digress!
On our flight back, we met some interesting people on both the flight to Atlanta and then the one to Richmond. Somewhere on that journey I misplaced my digital camera. I don't know if it was before or after the flight attendant gave me his business card to express his interest when I exited the plane. And, I stop to laugh at Mom's response as we walked, "He must have liked what he saw."
The camera. Gone! I got home, was unpacking, and realized it was nowhere to be found. I ran down to the car hoping I had put it there but knew better. I went into the living room and checked around the couch and coffee table since I had crashed on the couch upon the return, but it wasn't there either. I called my mom and asked her to check her luggage and car to no avail. The first day or so I was in disbelief just thinking I could not have been so careless. I kept telling myself it was going to pop up, but my reality was I had left the camera somewhere at one of our many stops getting back to Virginia.
I broke and began calling the airports. The workers were not all that helpful. Some were quite honest with me, saying I could forget seeing that camera again. I then went online and put in a claim for the camera. I put a detailed description--case and all--and tried to provide as much information as possible. These claims only stay in the system 60 to 90 days. My chances of getting the camera back were bleak. I had come to terms with the fact that the camera was gone, but I was very upset that I didn't have any of the pictures from Tarayra's graduation. I was frustrated as the last days of school came and I could not use my camera to capture some of the great moments of our kiddos as they transitioned from being middle schoolers to official high schoolers. I didn't have the camera for when Bryant flew in to Norfolk or other things occurring.
Then one day last week there was a message left on my voicemail saying my camera had been recovered and that I needed to call to make arrangements for getting it back. I could not believe it. I was so excited. The worker shared that the camera had come up in Atlanta's airport, one of the largest airports in the nation. I suppose I took for granted in some ways (up until the other night) how amazing it is that the camera was turned in.
There are articles about the number of items that end up in lost and found in airports that never get claimed. Further, people are dishonest, stealing items for themselves or selling them.
I am not sure why favor would shower itself on me. And I don't want to make it out to sound like I have some important connection to God that others do not have. I realize there are those in our nation dealing with flooding, poverty, war, etc. So, for me to talk on this SMALL level about his blessings...
My point? Well, if you ever lose or misplace anything in travel, it just may be worth trying to track and claim it through the lost and found processes made available with different airports. I was quite fortunate to get my item back and am so glad it here--pictures and all!
Welp, that is the snapshot into the blessings. Now, it is time to turn in for the night.
In the meantime, there is so much on my plate of "to dos"...
So, my hiatus from blogging has now ended since things have slightly slowed down at work and I need to do something to keep my mind off of Eric's leaving. I have so much I want to share, but I feel it a bit overwhelming to put it all in one entry.
The students finished up about two weeks ago, and the teachers have pretty much all checked out and are vacationing as well. Today, summer school began. Our building is housing all of the middle schools in addition to the multicultural programs for the division. Needless to say, the building was buzzing with children and adults all morning. We are also having many renovation projects take place at our school. You can just imagine some of the chaos. Our staffing is in great condition for next year; we've almost hired everyone for the upcoming year. The student's SOL scores came in sooner than anticipated, but I am still coding for transfer adjustments and recovery.
It is this time of the year that I am reflective most. I think this year was a bit more profound than other years for a couple of reasons. First, my oldest niece graduated from high school, which was a treat to celebrate and see. I can hardly believe she is out of grade school. She is an adult. She can drive. She's had a boyfriend...or two...Going to her commencement ceremony took me back ten years ago when I was in her shoes. I need to go back to those days since the planning and organizing of a reunion rest in my hands. I have an idea of what I want to see occur. The reunion is not until the fall, but there are many that are anxious and need the information in order to take off work or make flight arrangements. I managed to make connections with many of the students from my class using Facebook and Myspace. It is odd that I haven't seen or been in contact with most of these people since high school. It is nice to see what people are doing and where they are in their lives. However, on many levels we're still the same people.
The other excitement to this time in my life would have to be the many weddings that have occurred or will be occurring of friends that mean a lot to me. This past weekend I was in Crystal's wedding. We had such a good time, and everyone was so happy and the love could be felt. This upcoming weekend I'll be attending Joe and Jenny's wedding. It is a special experience to witness and be a part of such major events in the lives of those important to me. I'm the maid of honor for one of my sorority sisters who will be getting married in October. While there is a lot to do in preparing, I think of how special the actual day will be by performing the little things leading to the wedding.
Now, I've shared the snapshots of blessings and updated quickly on life happenings, but I have to end on the note of a testimony. A story of perhaps some disbelief or maybe one that won't seem all that important as I am making it out to be. One of my close friend's husband was really fascinated and even a bit bothered, sharing that I needed to blog the experience for awareness to others.
Weeks ago when I journeyed to St. Louis for my niece's graduation, I packed my digital camera. On the way to our destination, my mother commented that it was not wise of me to pack my camera in my luggage that I was not carrying on board with me because so many people go through our items and are untrustworthy. Of course, she freaked me out and before we left for the airport I opened my big suitcase and removed the camera, putting it with my carry on belongings. I didn't want the task of having to keep up with it because I know how I can be when it comes to travel or lugging around multiple things. I can be one tracked, very easily misplacing "stuff". The trip was an interesting one. We flew over St. Louis for almost an hour watching a light show in the sky since the airport had closed the runways. The pilot determined we'd go to Kansas City for fuel and to determine what to do with us. We got into St. Louis well after midnight and as we were getting our luggage saw Allen Iverson claiming his luggage from his Denver flight. I digress!
On our flight back, we met some interesting people on both the flight to Atlanta and then the one to Richmond. Somewhere on that journey I misplaced my digital camera. I don't know if it was before or after the flight attendant gave me his business card to express his interest when I exited the plane. And, I stop to laugh at Mom's response as we walked, "He must have liked what he saw."
The camera. Gone! I got home, was unpacking, and realized it was nowhere to be found. I ran down to the car hoping I had put it there but knew better. I went into the living room and checked around the couch and coffee table since I had crashed on the couch upon the return, but it wasn't there either. I called my mom and asked her to check her luggage and car to no avail. The first day or so I was in disbelief just thinking I could not have been so careless. I kept telling myself it was going to pop up, but my reality was I had left the camera somewhere at one of our many stops getting back to Virginia.
I broke and began calling the airports. The workers were not all that helpful. Some were quite honest with me, saying I could forget seeing that camera again. I then went online and put in a claim for the camera. I put a detailed description--case and all--and tried to provide as much information as possible. These claims only stay in the system 60 to 90 days. My chances of getting the camera back were bleak. I had come to terms with the fact that the camera was gone, but I was very upset that I didn't have any of the pictures from Tarayra's graduation. I was frustrated as the last days of school came and I could not use my camera to capture some of the great moments of our kiddos as they transitioned from being middle schoolers to official high schoolers. I didn't have the camera for when Bryant flew in to Norfolk or other things occurring.
Then one day last week there was a message left on my voicemail saying my camera had been recovered and that I needed to call to make arrangements for getting it back. I could not believe it. I was so excited. The worker shared that the camera had come up in Atlanta's airport, one of the largest airports in the nation. I suppose I took for granted in some ways (up until the other night) how amazing it is that the camera was turned in.
There are articles about the number of items that end up in lost and found in airports that never get claimed. Further, people are dishonest, stealing items for themselves or selling them.
I am not sure why favor would shower itself on me. And I don't want to make it out to sound like I have some important connection to God that others do not have. I realize there are those in our nation dealing with flooding, poverty, war, etc. So, for me to talk on this SMALL level about his blessings...
My point? Well, if you ever lose or misplace anything in travel, it just may be worth trying to track and claim it through the lost and found processes made available with different airports. I was quite fortunate to get my item back and am so glad it here--pictures and all!
Welp, that is the snapshot into the blessings. Now, it is time to turn in for the night.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Spring Conditioning
"Every time I fail I assume I will be a stronger person for it. I keep on running figuratively and literally, despite a limp that gets more noticeable with each passing season, because for me there has always been a place to go and a terrible urgency to get there."
-- Joan Benoit Samuelson
It's one of my favorite quotes I stole from Hollis a few years ago that happened to be in her Instant Messenger info section. Just a year ago my life was VERY different than how it is today. I needed the wilderness experience to carry me to this point. While I am certainly not where I need to be, I am not where I used to be. Each day is a growing, learning process.
Today's first day of SOL testing was successful! A whole school building with over 800 students was tested. Yep, 3 grade levels; three assessments. All I can say is GOD is GOOD!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mother's Day
“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly" – Anonymous
May has always been a month of reflection and renewal for me. The entries this month may not be as lengthy in words. Rather, I will deliver my thoughts through quotes, videos, song, etc. These broad ideas will work as reminders for me and will maybe be encouraging for you.
This celebrated holiday, Mother's Day, reaches its 100th anniversary. And, today, I recognize my safety net: Momma, thanks for the unconditional love, prayers, and encouragement. The greatest gift you've given me is the knowledge of my true strength, Jesus Christ. Despite the mistakes I make, wrong choices, negative thoughts, He continues to shower His favor and bless me with only the best. In my moments of defeat, I remember that faith does not guarantee that hard times won't be faced. It is a reminder that it is all a part of the plan set in place for the next phase, chapter, and journey.
Thanks, Mom, for showing me the things that matter in life. You often remind me of how blessed we are. Your spirit and faith give me joy. In the times where I've placed myself in caterpillar status, you've reminded me of how God created me in His image. Whether a caterpillar or butterfly, I'm to make the most of what He's blessed me with.
So, today I think about many women who've left some powerful impressions on me, but the one that has mattered most has been yours, Mom. Happy Mother's Day, today and always. The lessons, talks, and special moments have meant so much.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Politics...
Good Morning.
Okay. I am struggling to type this entry out. It may be like one of those emails where you type all you are feeling and then delete or erase it before hitting send. I maybe need to keep this one under drafts or put it somewhere safe. (((pregnant pause))) I can't help it and feel very compelled to type and post in order to move forward with my day. And, it should be noted that I rarely make time to put out entries in the morning. I mean, really, my time of day is NIGHT; I am too busy struggling with getting out of the bed in the morning!
SOoooooooo, one lesson that stayed with me from Girl Scouts when we were outside my troop leader's home learning to make fires without the use of matches was There are some discussion you should never have with friends. Those are: religion, money, relationships, and politics. Now, keep in mind I was a Girl Scout in elementary school and my memory to that time is not the best. I've always kept that conversation in the back of my head.
I hate discussing politics. I seldom bring up how I choose/plan to vote unless I am with my family or in the company of those I trust. I can't help today to bring up something (small) that is really getting under my skin. I am just going to put it out there so I can continue doing what I need to do and not end up late for work!
Here we go:
It bothers me. I mean, it REALLY bothers me when people bash Rev. Jeremiah Wright for what they feel are ignorant, crazy things. However, this gets deeper. These are the same people that have been followers of Bush for two terms and can't see how ignorant or crazy he is. Um, can we say "slow down"? For those not familiar with the quote, that is what Bush said we were experiencing--not a recession...(sigh)
Please don't get it twisted. My being bothered is not sharing any political platform of who to vote for...Rev. Wright is being connected way too much to Obama at this point. Understand that money talks, and he is likely getting some nice checks which is why he continues to open his mouth.
My purpose for this entry is only to share my confusion with those who could quickly join Facebook groups, get on television or radio, etc., and have plenty to say about Wright but have yet to acknowledge the man that is leading this nation has the sense of a flea.
My apologies to those of you I've offended this morning! It's so seldom that I do it that I think we can forgive and forget.
Happy Birthday, Mother!!!!
Okay. I am struggling to type this entry out. It may be like one of those emails where you type all you are feeling and then delete or erase it before hitting send. I maybe need to keep this one under drafts or put it somewhere safe. (((pregnant pause))) I can't help it and feel very compelled to type and post in order to move forward with my day. And, it should be noted that I rarely make time to put out entries in the morning. I mean, really, my time of day is NIGHT; I am too busy struggling with getting out of the bed in the morning!
SOoooooooo, one lesson that stayed with me from Girl Scouts when we were outside my troop leader's home learning to make fires without the use of matches was There are some discussion you should never have with friends. Those are: religion, money, relationships, and politics. Now, keep in mind I was a Girl Scout in elementary school and my memory to that time is not the best. I've always kept that conversation in the back of my head.
I hate discussing politics. I seldom bring up how I choose/plan to vote unless I am with my family or in the company of those I trust. I can't help today to bring up something (small) that is really getting under my skin. I am just going to put it out there so I can continue doing what I need to do and not end up late for work!
Here we go:
It bothers me. I mean, it REALLY bothers me when people bash Rev. Jeremiah Wright for what they feel are ignorant, crazy things. However, this gets deeper. These are the same people that have been followers of Bush for two terms and can't see how ignorant or crazy he is. Um, can we say "slow down"? For those not familiar with the quote, that is what Bush said we were experiencing--not a recession...(sigh)
Please don't get it twisted. My being bothered is not sharing any political platform of who to vote for...Rev. Wright is being connected way too much to Obama at this point. Understand that money talks, and he is likely getting some nice checks which is why he continues to open his mouth.
My purpose for this entry is only to share my confusion with those who could quickly join Facebook groups, get on television or radio, etc., and have plenty to say about Wright but have yet to acknowledge the man that is leading this nation has the sense of a flea.
My apologies to those of you I've offended this morning! It's so seldom that I do it that I think we can forgive and forget.
Happy Birthday, Mother!!!!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Whenever You Call Me...
For the better part of my life I have spent my weekends involved in some type of enrichment program. All through elementary school it was church. I would show up for choir rehearsals or other activities with the youth. Once I got to middle school, I became a James Farmer Scholar. This organization carried me to high school. Almost every Saturday morning I would ride the school bus to (what was then) Mary Washington College. I'd meet up with other students from neighboring divisions, and we'd have classes and sessions to help us in bettering ourselves (e.g., field trips, SAT prep, arts/crafts/speech making, etc.). There were even summer sessions, and we'd stay at the college for a week and enroll in "college" courses.
When I went away to college, I didn't immediately take on doing anything. School work and adjusting to a new environment were enough for my plate; however, during my junior year, the sorority I belong to saw a need to assist in the community. We brainstormed, outlined, and presented a plan to a nearby middle school that excitedly agreed to work with us, which birthed the group Project D.I.V.A. While it was rarely our Saturday mornings that were occupied, Fridays like clockwork we'd make our way to Berkeley Middle to work with our group of young ladies, helping them with typical adolescent troubles. The greatest joy is the program still exists, and my undergraduate chapter is still working with the school.
The first year I began teaching, two of my colleagues formed the program Rites of Passage. The purpose of the program is to train our students in man-/womanhood. There are anywhere from 24 to 42 sessions in a given school year, and we discuss all sorts of topics. Each year the program has shaped itself around the needs of our kids and number of volunteers we have. The first year there were times where there may be only 1 to 3 volunteers with 50 kids. The blessing has come in our college volunteers that have taken a love and passion for our youth. We've had Saturdays this year where there were more volunteers than students! Our students and volunteers love the program. It is so awesome to see the students grow over the period they're involved with us. Some of the students that never get recognized for good things sparkle while with us.
Very seldom does this part of my life ever seem like a job or task. Firstly, I've never asked for or received pay to do it. The pay that I have been offered goes directly back into the budget that funds the program. Often, my friends and co-workers applaud my efforts in giving back my time on the weekends, but they fail to understand the paybacks that come from giving just a few extra hours each week. The established relationships and lives that are impacted make it all worthwhile. These students call, email, and hunt me down to make sure I know what is going on with them...
Last night I spent time on the phone with one of my kiddos. She is in high school and has come so far! In middle school, she stayed in trouble and lived in the office. Her attitude was poor and she'd fight anyone. Now, she is making good grades and setting the example for her peers. She wanted to share with me the accomplishments of some of our former students that have recently been accepted to college. She also wanted to make sure I was following her advice of eating and drinking something warm to get better soon. And, of course, we had to discuss her work for the week: Any tests or quizzes? What are your grades looking like? Do we need to get to the store for supplies or over to the library? I am responsible for her, and she knows I am here whenever she calls.
I also I have my two little knuckle headed boys that have yet to fully pull together the lessons we teach. It was no surprise on Saturday when they shared having been somewhere Friday night they had no business being and running from the police (sigh). They both begged me to show up for their AAU game to show support. They didn't get that I was sick!
And, I'd be remissed if I didn't highlight the one that is even making me think to type this entry tonight. My youngin' that I began working with at the high school where I worked last year. Her homelife is a rough one. She doesn't have a relationship with her mom, and she is desperate for attention. She has so many talents but is a follower, easily falling into the wrong crowds. So, she emails me tonight that she could possibly be pregnant. I have to stop. Think and process, knowing that this child has so many strategies. What I know is that she wants a reaction, which I can't give no matter how pained I am...Then I refuse to make contact because this gives her the audience she wants. I have to focus on the key word: "possibly". Until it is confirmed, I play cool. I have taught and shared with her all that I can. Her decision to do a grown action is in her hands; she has to be prepared for the consequences that follow.
Majority of the students that I mentor are of color. This is what keeps me down but determined to do all I can. I despise the achievement gap that exists in my division, in the state, in the nation...I hate that in the 15 or 16 thousand some school divisions in America, Black females and males rank at the bottom in ALL categories for test scores and academic achievement. My heart bleeds that educators try to fit us into a box and feel they cannot teach students that look like me. We're a topic of discussion at workshops, faculty meetings, and teacher work rooms. Our students believe the lies and misconceptions and would rather boycott the classroom than prove the teacher wrong, which is why the drama teacher sits in my office so badly wanting to put on the musical "The Wiz" for next year but desperately trying to figure out if the students of color will come out and participate...
On most days I love my job and that I can be and make a difference in the lives of those I see. However, there are moments of discouragement where I just want to scream because I feel I am getting nowhere and the kids truly do not get all of the sacrifices and struggles of those fighting battles for them on so many levels. I look at the television and see the politics of this presidential election. I turn on the radio and listen to the latest debate on Sean Bell. I want my babies to wake up, be recognized, and to shine because they are all so very capable. I want my talented highly qualified colleagues to believe that ALL children can learn. I want parents to feel they have a responsibility of exposing their kids to literature rather than giving them cell phones and setting them free at New Town on Friday nights.
Good or bad news they know that whenever they call me, I'll be there. They are my joy and my purpose for this life.
When I went away to college, I didn't immediately take on doing anything. School work and adjusting to a new environment were enough for my plate; however, during my junior year, the sorority I belong to saw a need to assist in the community. We brainstormed, outlined, and presented a plan to a nearby middle school that excitedly agreed to work with us, which birthed the group Project D.I.V.A. While it was rarely our Saturday mornings that were occupied, Fridays like clockwork we'd make our way to Berkeley Middle to work with our group of young ladies, helping them with typical adolescent troubles. The greatest joy is the program still exists, and my undergraduate chapter is still working with the school.
The first year I began teaching, two of my colleagues formed the program Rites of Passage. The purpose of the program is to train our students in man-/womanhood. There are anywhere from 24 to 42 sessions in a given school year, and we discuss all sorts of topics. Each year the program has shaped itself around the needs of our kids and number of volunteers we have. The first year there were times where there may be only 1 to 3 volunteers with 50 kids. The blessing has come in our college volunteers that have taken a love and passion for our youth. We've had Saturdays this year where there were more volunteers than students! Our students and volunteers love the program. It is so awesome to see the students grow over the period they're involved with us. Some of the students that never get recognized for good things sparkle while with us.
Very seldom does this part of my life ever seem like a job or task. Firstly, I've never asked for or received pay to do it. The pay that I have been offered goes directly back into the budget that funds the program. Often, my friends and co-workers applaud my efforts in giving back my time on the weekends, but they fail to understand the paybacks that come from giving just a few extra hours each week. The established relationships and lives that are impacted make it all worthwhile. These students call, email, and hunt me down to make sure I know what is going on with them...
Last night I spent time on the phone with one of my kiddos. She is in high school and has come so far! In middle school, she stayed in trouble and lived in the office. Her attitude was poor and she'd fight anyone. Now, she is making good grades and setting the example for her peers. She wanted to share with me the accomplishments of some of our former students that have recently been accepted to college. She also wanted to make sure I was following her advice of eating and drinking something warm to get better soon. And, of course, we had to discuss her work for the week: Any tests or quizzes? What are your grades looking like? Do we need to get to the store for supplies or over to the library? I am responsible for her, and she knows I am here whenever she calls.
I also I have my two little knuckle headed boys that have yet to fully pull together the lessons we teach. It was no surprise on Saturday when they shared having been somewhere Friday night they had no business being and running from the police (sigh). They both begged me to show up for their AAU game to show support. They didn't get that I was sick!
And, I'd be remissed if I didn't highlight the one that is even making me think to type this entry tonight. My youngin' that I began working with at the high school where I worked last year. Her homelife is a rough one. She doesn't have a relationship with her mom, and she is desperate for attention. She has so many talents but is a follower, easily falling into the wrong crowds. So, she emails me tonight that she could possibly be pregnant. I have to stop. Think and process, knowing that this child has so many strategies. What I know is that she wants a reaction, which I can't give no matter how pained I am...Then I refuse to make contact because this gives her the audience she wants. I have to focus on the key word: "possibly". Until it is confirmed, I play cool. I have taught and shared with her all that I can. Her decision to do a grown action is in her hands; she has to be prepared for the consequences that follow.
Majority of the students that I mentor are of color. This is what keeps me down but determined to do all I can. I despise the achievement gap that exists in my division, in the state, in the nation...I hate that in the 15 or 16 thousand some school divisions in America, Black females and males rank at the bottom in ALL categories for test scores and academic achievement. My heart bleeds that educators try to fit us into a box and feel they cannot teach students that look like me. We're a topic of discussion at workshops, faculty meetings, and teacher work rooms. Our students believe the lies and misconceptions and would rather boycott the classroom than prove the teacher wrong, which is why the drama teacher sits in my office so badly wanting to put on the musical "The Wiz" for next year but desperately trying to figure out if the students of color will come out and participate...
On most days I love my job and that I can be and make a difference in the lives of those I see. However, there are moments of discouragement where I just want to scream because I feel I am getting nowhere and the kids truly do not get all of the sacrifices and struggles of those fighting battles for them on so many levels. I look at the television and see the politics of this presidential election. I turn on the radio and listen to the latest debate on Sean Bell. I want my babies to wake up, be recognized, and to shine because they are all so very capable. I want my talented highly qualified colleagues to believe that ALL children can learn. I want parents to feel they have a responsibility of exposing their kids to literature rather than giving them cell phones and setting them free at New Town on Friday nights.
Good or bad news they know that whenever they call me, I'll be there. They are my joy and my purpose for this life.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
New York, I Love You
Try four days and nights in New York City as the administrator on duty...C'mon, I dare you. Our annual music department's spring festival was in New York this year. Our orchestra and band students went as a group, and our choir went as the other group. That put us at almost 200 kiddos from a middle school in Williamsburg, VA. Surprisingly, there were few issues with discipline, getting lost, etc. My biggest issue was battling the bus drivers we hired and arguing with the bus company about expectations and the itenerary--YIKES!!!
While I am drained and sick (again), I am glad I had an opportunity to be a part of such a unique experience. I never dreamed when I was in high school doing my trips to Florida and New York that I would one day be an educator accompanying students on a trip. The best part of the trip was celebrating the successes and achievements of our kids. We walked away with some AWESOME acknowledgements and awards, including our choir teacher getting the BIG director's award for her dedication and hard work.
I can't express how much I love New York. The atmosphere and pace of life is so exciting. There are so many things to do, places to go, and opportunites for exploration. I think my "fear" in going up that way would be the cost of living and figuring out what I would do. I have some friends up that way and will plan to talk with them; however, my goal is to start with a city that I can manage and perhaps work my way to New York (smile! Yes, I have a plan!)...I know I would not be able to handle the cold weather--that would be my one MAJOR complaint!
Last Thursday, Lisa, our school's choir director, and I decided to walk Central Park. The students that had been set free in the city for sight seeing, and we had some free time before the kids had rehearsal. We happened to be in the park on the day that the Broadway casts were having their baseball/softball tourneys. Lisa and I were quite excited and looked to see what shows were participating. The team we stumbled across first had this hot actor who I determined would be my future husband; he was from "Wicked" or "Blue Men". We laughed and talked about him and watched the game for a bit. Then we set out to find the game where the "Hairspray" cast was since that was the show we were seeing. We found them playing against "Mama Mia", and "Hairspray" was losing. There was a cast member whose jersey titled him "T". This is also how his fellow cast members addressed him. He was up to bat and I watched him make his way to the plate. Of course, Lisa had something to say, and I was still on #17 from the first field (smile). There was brief eye contact between myself and T, but realistically I knew these were actors, I am on a trip, I am a realist...Well, on the night of the show, Lisa and I had paid close enough attention to identify those on the stage from the game. When I spotted "T" I began to thumb my playbill to read his bio...So, it became a HUGE shock when I saw the name Tevin Campbell. Tevin Campbell? I only know of one Tevin. The one I had that crush on in middle school and high school. You know the one that sang "Can We Talk" and "We Go Round and Round"? The one that was on "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" when Ashley celebrated her birthday and he came and sang to her and she fainted??? You know that Tevin Campbell? It was him! There he was on the stage doing his thing...I was already excited because Norm from "Cheers" was in the show, but this was even better.
I wonder if he noticed I was in the crowd...You're laughing, but I learned that the actors really do pay attention the crowd. I know I did when I was in shows. I should state that I had a "secret weapon" that did draw attention to where I was sitting: Ezra. The nurse on our trip has a brother that lives in New York. He, his girlfriend, and their friends came to the show. The friends had the CUTEST child ever!!! His name was Ezra, and Ezra really liked me and became a friend of mine during the show. Well, Ezra's mom is an actress. After the show they stayed behind to see some of the cast who all came out to see little Ezra and talk about how they were watching him during the show. So, did he see me??? Sure...he did!
The trip was a memorable one! These are the unique experiences of an administrator.
A side note...I made my first Tiffany's purchase! I was so very excited and am pleased with the little gift I got as a late birthday gift for myself. Every woman needs a little blue box at least once in her life, or a really great pair of shoes...or a purse...hahahaha...I am going to stop there!
While I am drained and sick (again), I am glad I had an opportunity to be a part of such a unique experience. I never dreamed when I was in high school doing my trips to Florida and New York that I would one day be an educator accompanying students on a trip. The best part of the trip was celebrating the successes and achievements of our kids. We walked away with some AWESOME acknowledgements and awards, including our choir teacher getting the BIG director's award for her dedication and hard work.
I can't express how much I love New York. The atmosphere and pace of life is so exciting. There are so many things to do, places to go, and opportunites for exploration. I think my "fear" in going up that way would be the cost of living and figuring out what I would do. I have some friends up that way and will plan to talk with them; however, my goal is to start with a city that I can manage and perhaps work my way to New York (smile! Yes, I have a plan!)...I know I would not be able to handle the cold weather--that would be my one MAJOR complaint!
Last Thursday, Lisa, our school's choir director, and I decided to walk Central Park. The students that had been set free in the city for sight seeing, and we had some free time before the kids had rehearsal. We happened to be in the park on the day that the Broadway casts were having their baseball/softball tourneys. Lisa and I were quite excited and looked to see what shows were participating. The team we stumbled across first had this hot actor who I determined would be my future husband; he was from "Wicked" or "Blue Men". We laughed and talked about him and watched the game for a bit. Then we set out to find the game where the "Hairspray" cast was since that was the show we were seeing. We found them playing against "Mama Mia", and "Hairspray" was losing. There was a cast member whose jersey titled him "T". This is also how his fellow cast members addressed him. He was up to bat and I watched him make his way to the plate. Of course, Lisa had something to say, and I was still on #17 from the first field (smile). There was brief eye contact between myself and T, but realistically I knew these were actors, I am on a trip, I am a realist...Well, on the night of the show, Lisa and I had paid close enough attention to identify those on the stage from the game. When I spotted "T" I began to thumb my playbill to read his bio...So, it became a HUGE shock when I saw the name Tevin Campbell. Tevin Campbell? I only know of one Tevin. The one I had that crush on in middle school and high school. You know the one that sang "Can We Talk" and "We Go Round and Round"? The one that was on "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" when Ashley celebrated her birthday and he came and sang to her and she fainted??? You know that Tevin Campbell? It was him! There he was on the stage doing his thing...I was already excited because Norm from "Cheers" was in the show, but this was even better.
I wonder if he noticed I was in the crowd...You're laughing, but I learned that the actors really do pay attention the crowd. I know I did when I was in shows. I should state that I had a "secret weapon" that did draw attention to where I was sitting: Ezra. The nurse on our trip has a brother that lives in New York. He, his girlfriend, and their friends came to the show. The friends had the CUTEST child ever!!! His name was Ezra, and Ezra really liked me and became a friend of mine during the show. Well, Ezra's mom is an actress. After the show they stayed behind to see some of the cast who all came out to see little Ezra and talk about how they were watching him during the show. So, did he see me??? Sure...he did!
The trip was a memorable one! These are the unique experiences of an administrator.
A side note...I made my first Tiffany's purchase! I was so very excited and am pleased with the little gift I got as a late birthday gift for myself. Every woman needs a little blue box at least once in her life, or a really great pair of shoes...or a purse...hahahaha...I am going to stop there!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
My Family Away from Family
It's moments like these that I never want to end. Vacation. I'd say it's one of the perks of being an educator. The holidays and breaks we get can truly be wonderful and tend to be right on time.
This past year I officially tagged one of my past employers and her family as my "family away from family". Other than my own family I couldn't imagine too many others I would want to spend as much time with. Her family, her sister's family, and her brother's family have taken me in as their own. When Sundays come around, I know I have a spot for weekly dinner. During the week if I have late hours at work and do not feel like cooking or making a fast food run, it's nothing to call up Lynda and know I can walk right in, get a plate, and stuff my face. I appreciate that when I make trips to visit with my family or journey somewhere they want a text message or phone call (like my mom or brothers) when I arrive and leave. I love that the relationship isn't a dependent one--me being the only one calling or asking. If they need something they know they have my support and time. From babysitting to store purchases, it's just a matter of asking.
Lynda is the sister I never had--and there is a VERY small pool of women in my life that I have said that about. The same age as my oldest brother, she is a mentor, best friend, and listening ear. There have been moments this year (and last) where, when I was close to tears, frustrated, or in need of assistance, I'd pick up the phone and receive her advice, encouragement, and prayers. It's hard to believe that during the summer of 2006 we almost lost her...I thank God for giving her more time because it sparked a friendship that I know is beyond seasonal. He makes no mistakes!
I met Lynda while I was an undergraduate and my sorority was at her school for a mentoring program. Little did either of us know that a few years later I'd walk into the school where she'd just been hired as principal to become one of her employees; it was my first teaching position and she made me feel so welcomed. She's been an awesome woman to watch and learn from in my profession, and I marvel in how God knows the plans He has for us.
I think what I love about Lynda the most is her ability to make others feel so special. It's not just me that she opens her home to, makes tea for, and is willing to give dinner to...She does it for the peeps, which is our little family of friends that has developed over the past few years. We all know that she will go above and beyond to help and be there for any of us despite all that she has on her plate. There have been times where she has been in so much pain with tons to do, but she would take time to talk and help--not once complaining or bringing up her own problems. One of my graduate school essays tried to capture this type of servant leadership--it's the essence of her and I admire it so much.
So on tonight--the last night at the "Big House" with my family away from family, I stop for a moment to value and cherish the memories created over the past few days with some of the sweetest gifts God saw fit to bring into my life. As I frequently do when with my family, I close my eyes, pause, and try to capture special moments. How sweet it is!
This past year I officially tagged one of my past employers and her family as my "family away from family". Other than my own family I couldn't imagine too many others I would want to spend as much time with. Her family, her sister's family, and her brother's family have taken me in as their own. When Sundays come around, I know I have a spot for weekly dinner. During the week if I have late hours at work and do not feel like cooking or making a fast food run, it's nothing to call up Lynda and know I can walk right in, get a plate, and stuff my face. I appreciate that when I make trips to visit with my family or journey somewhere they want a text message or phone call (like my mom or brothers) when I arrive and leave. I love that the relationship isn't a dependent one--me being the only one calling or asking. If they need something they know they have my support and time. From babysitting to store purchases, it's just a matter of asking.
Lynda is the sister I never had--and there is a VERY small pool of women in my life that I have said that about. The same age as my oldest brother, she is a mentor, best friend, and listening ear. There have been moments this year (and last) where, when I was close to tears, frustrated, or in need of assistance, I'd pick up the phone and receive her advice, encouragement, and prayers. It's hard to believe that during the summer of 2006 we almost lost her...I thank God for giving her more time because it sparked a friendship that I know is beyond seasonal. He makes no mistakes!
I met Lynda while I was an undergraduate and my sorority was at her school for a mentoring program. Little did either of us know that a few years later I'd walk into the school where she'd just been hired as principal to become one of her employees; it was my first teaching position and she made me feel so welcomed. She's been an awesome woman to watch and learn from in my profession, and I marvel in how God knows the plans He has for us.
I think what I love about Lynda the most is her ability to make others feel so special. It's not just me that she opens her home to, makes tea for, and is willing to give dinner to...She does it for the peeps, which is our little family of friends that has developed over the past few years. We all know that she will go above and beyond to help and be there for any of us despite all that she has on her plate. There have been times where she has been in so much pain with tons to do, but she would take time to talk and help--not once complaining or bringing up her own problems. One of my graduate school essays tried to capture this type of servant leadership--it's the essence of her and I admire it so much.
So on tonight--the last night at the "Big House" with my family away from family, I stop for a moment to value and cherish the memories created over the past few days with some of the sweetest gifts God saw fit to bring into my life. As I frequently do when with my family, I close my eyes, pause, and try to capture special moments. How sweet it is!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Random Facts...I'm back!
Okay...So between getting sick, celebrating a birthday, and being in a wedding, I have not been able to get on to blog. I have to transition myself back into my routine; I'm going to start with a survey: Random Facts...
What is on your bed right now? Well, at home I have the bed made nicely with a blanket, towel & washcloth for my sorority sister who will be staying at my place tomorrow evening. Here at the beach house where I am spending the remainder of my Spring Break I have a blanket, cell phone, coat, and camera on my bed.
When was the last time you threw up? It's been a while. I've never been the throw up type :)
What's your favorite word or phrase? "That's good stuff!" "Hallelu!" "WOW"
Name 3 people who made you smile today? Tricia, Eli, and Bubba
What were you doing at 8 am this morning? still sleeping :)
What were you doing 30 minutes ago? walking around outside and looking at the beach
What is your favorite holiday? Thanksgiving or Christmas...the one that allows for the family to be together
Have you ever been to another country? Yes! Europe
What is the last thing you said aloud? I think I said, "Sounds good."
What is the best ice cream flavor? I like chocolate or vanilla.
What was the last thing you had to drink? Ice Tea
What are you wearing right now? jeans and my Spotsy High cheer shirt...YES, I can still wear it :)
What was the last thing you ate? breakfast: eggs, bacon, potatoes, and other good food
Have you bought any new clothing items this week? No, but we're going shopping later today...that theory could go down the drain. Wait! I am not telling the truth. Yesterday I purchased a pair of knickers; they're cute.
When was the last time you ran? UM...Yeah, I don't run.
What's the last sporting event you watched? UM! Final Four :) gotta love college ball
If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Well, I am at the beach and loving the relaxation.
Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace? Melanie (I think)
Ever go camping? Yes, when I a Girl Scout.
Do you have a tan? Yep--the natural
Have you ever lost anything down a toilet? No--thank God!
What is your guilty pleasure? McDonald's
Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot? too too much
Do you drink your soda from a straw? I don't drink soda...
What did your last text message say? It was a biblical passage from one of my friends.
Are you someone's best friend? YES!
What are you doing tomorrow? Relaxing at the beach with my family away from family!
Where is your mom right now? She's at home...wish she was here with us :(
Look to your left, what do you see? Kayla Marie :)
What color is your watch? silver
What do you think of when you think of Australia? Elizabeth--my good friend that moved there when we were little
Ever ridden on a roller coaster? YES! love them
What is your birthstone? Aquamarine...(sp)
Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive tthru? Drive thru
Do you have any friends on myspace that you actually hate? No
Do you have a dog? Nope
Last person you talked to on the phone? Mother! :)
Any plans today? RELAXING AND ENJOYING SPRING BREAK
Are you happy? Most of the time I am and this is not an exception.
Where are you right now? ONE of the living rooms in this HUGE beach house of 19 people :)
Biggest annoyance in your life right now? I plea the 5th...
Last song listened to? Something on Nick Jr.
Last movie you saw? Not a clue...
Are you allergic to anything? strong perfumes and soaps make me break out
Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Oh, I LOVE shoes! I couldn't name just one pair.
Are you jealous of anyone? Nah--too blessed to hate on others.
Are you married? No...one day (soon) :)
Is anyone jealous of you? I couldn't tell you.
Do any of your friends have children? Oh yes :)
Do you eat healthy? It all depends.
What do you usually do during the day? Work hard
Do you hate anyone right now? I am not much of a hater.
Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Yes.
How many kids do you want when you're older? undecided
How old will you be turning on your next birthday? Olivia says 15 & I'll take it!
Have you ever been to Six Flags? Yes
How did u get one of your scars? belly flopping a gym court floor in a cheer stunt that (clearly) went badly
What is on your bed right now? Well, at home I have the bed made nicely with a blanket, towel & washcloth for my sorority sister who will be staying at my place tomorrow evening. Here at the beach house where I am spending the remainder of my Spring Break I have a blanket, cell phone, coat, and camera on my bed.
When was the last time you threw up? It's been a while. I've never been the throw up type :)
What's your favorite word or phrase? "That's good stuff!" "Hallelu!" "WOW"
Name 3 people who made you smile today? Tricia, Eli, and Bubba
What were you doing at 8 am this morning? still sleeping :)
What were you doing 30 minutes ago? walking around outside and looking at the beach
What is your favorite holiday? Thanksgiving or Christmas...the one that allows for the family to be together
Have you ever been to another country? Yes! Europe
What is the last thing you said aloud? I think I said, "Sounds good."
What is the best ice cream flavor? I like chocolate or vanilla.
What was the last thing you had to drink? Ice Tea
What are you wearing right now? jeans and my Spotsy High cheer shirt...YES, I can still wear it :)
What was the last thing you ate? breakfast: eggs, bacon, potatoes, and other good food
Have you bought any new clothing items this week? No, but we're going shopping later today...that theory could go down the drain. Wait! I am not telling the truth. Yesterday I purchased a pair of knickers; they're cute.
When was the last time you ran? UM...Yeah, I don't run.
What's the last sporting event you watched? UM! Final Four :) gotta love college ball
If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Well, I am at the beach and loving the relaxation.
Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace? Melanie (I think)
Ever go camping? Yes, when I a Girl Scout.
Do you have a tan? Yep--the natural
Have you ever lost anything down a toilet? No--thank God!
What is your guilty pleasure? McDonald's
Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot? too too much
Do you drink your soda from a straw? I don't drink soda...
What did your last text message say? It was a biblical passage from one of my friends.
Are you someone's best friend? YES!
What are you doing tomorrow? Relaxing at the beach with my family away from family!
Where is your mom right now? She's at home...wish she was here with us :(
Look to your left, what do you see? Kayla Marie :)
What color is your watch? silver
What do you think of when you think of Australia? Elizabeth--my good friend that moved there when we were little
Ever ridden on a roller coaster? YES! love them
What is your birthstone? Aquamarine...(sp)
Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive tthru? Drive thru
Do you have any friends on myspace that you actually hate? No
Do you have a dog? Nope
Last person you talked to on the phone? Mother! :)
Any plans today? RELAXING AND ENJOYING SPRING BREAK
Are you happy? Most of the time I am and this is not an exception.
Where are you right now? ONE of the living rooms in this HUGE beach house of 19 people :)
Biggest annoyance in your life right now? I plea the 5th...
Last song listened to? Something on Nick Jr.
Last movie you saw? Not a clue...
Are you allergic to anything? strong perfumes and soaps make me break out
Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Oh, I LOVE shoes! I couldn't name just one pair.
Are you jealous of anyone? Nah--too blessed to hate on others.
Are you married? No...one day (soon) :)
Is anyone jealous of you? I couldn't tell you.
Do any of your friends have children? Oh yes :)
Do you eat healthy? It all depends.
What do you usually do during the day? Work hard
Do you hate anyone right now? I am not much of a hater.
Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Yes.
How many kids do you want when you're older? undecided
How old will you be turning on your next birthday? Olivia says 15 & I'll take it!
Have you ever been to Six Flags? Yes
How did u get one of your scars? belly flopping a gym court floor in a cheer stunt that (clearly) went badly
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Passion Week
Today is Palm Sunday, which begins Passion (or Holy) Week. It takes us into Resurrection Sunday, also known as Easter. Several events occurred in this historic week, but I am mostly in awe of the fact that this was the week that Christ truly exhibited His passion for man, giving His life for our sins. For those of that time, it was a week of preparation, expectations, and realizations. Today it is a week of prayer, explanations, and revelations...
If you haven't been consistent in your relationship with Christ, allow this week to be your week of Passion for Him. Be passionate with your worship, proclaiming His gospel to anyone who will receive it. My heart is full today and there's a feeling of expectancy within my life. More recently my heart had been heavy during this period of lent and I've spent some sleepless nights with a weeping heart...for what or who, I still do not know...
Prepare yourself this week like at a fighting match. Jesus is the boxer, and He gave us so many HOT moves in the ring against his opponent satan. He used that mighty left hook and jab. He gave the upper cut and combination move. He finished it off with a knock out. Each of those moves mentioned closely tie to scriptural passages we hide in our hearts and use each time we enter our own boxing matches, our obstacles in life.
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:36-39)
Are you ready to rumble???
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
And, I Exhaled...and Slept...
Today is the FIRST day in a minute that I have left work before it being completely dark. Yes people, I know we lost that hour over the weekend to have our longer, lighter days. For the past three weeks my life has been consumed with testing. The preparation, the actual test days and make ups, and the packing up of the materials and accounting for everything have kept me from sleeping, tending to normal daily duties, and having a life. My first appointment with our division test folks was today and to echo the words of our division test coordinator, "This is more stressful than taxes." She's right. We, the school test coordinators, sit there and wait as the they go through all of our items with careful inspection. You sit and wait for the mistakes and problems of the documents. A forgotten form, an unaccounted for student, irregularities, etc., etc. I think the stress for me comes in knowing where I was last year and those I had to work with in the process. It was painful and created the type of stress that makes you sick. Fortunately, the process made me stronger and better; I now understand why I had to go through that wilderness experience. To see the rewards of today and hear the words of "over achiever" and "very meticulous" warmed the heart, making the past three weeks worth it. As my supervisor commented today, the thoughtfulness and thoroughness put into ensuring all students were tested and the smooth process have to count for something. Our hope is that our kids will have the results to support the energy and time everyone in the organization put into making this process a success. It felt good to leave the building today, come home, eat and crash for a few hours. I am up for a moment to change out of the clothes, wash the face, brush the teeth and get more rest. While March Madness is still continuing around me I am trying to keep it all in perspective to get the things done that need to be tackled and taken care of...Those that want to see it speak up which means more than they'll ever know.
And, on the discipline horizon...The latest these days are my 3 Stooges that can't keep it together on the bus. I am tempted to remove them from the bus for a while to let them know that their behavior is driving me bonkers. Unfortunately, it's their crazy parents that are the true issue. No one wants to take responsibility; all want to point the finger. AND, this morning I had an issue with a kiddo (on the SAME bus) whose bookbag was "stolen" at the bus stop. Two kids decided it would be funny to put his stuff in a ditch and not say anything. THREE TIMES these two had an opportunity to speak up and say something. This kid didn't have lunch, no homework, and he already struggles...We were having a hard enough time getting information from him about how the bookbag would have ended up in someone else's hands and his not seeing it. Our guidance counselors had to go drive out and get the kid's backpack from the ditch since we could not reach his parents; they were excited to have the road trip and felt like Cagney & Lacey. (I'll save the story of my episode with my 8th grade crew of young ladies who think they own the school...June couldn't come soon enough where they're concerned. And, their story deserves an ENTIRE entry!)
Okay. Enough...I have a conference tomorrow and will be out of the building. I am excited to be going with the three faculty members that are attending. It'll be an insightful day!
OH...Friday there's a dance...Hmph.
And, on the discipline horizon...The latest these days are my 3 Stooges that can't keep it together on the bus. I am tempted to remove them from the bus for a while to let them know that their behavior is driving me bonkers. Unfortunately, it's their crazy parents that are the true issue. No one wants to take responsibility; all want to point the finger. AND, this morning I had an issue with a kiddo (on the SAME bus) whose bookbag was "stolen" at the bus stop. Two kids decided it would be funny to put his stuff in a ditch and not say anything. THREE TIMES these two had an opportunity to speak up and say something. This kid didn't have lunch, no homework, and he already struggles...We were having a hard enough time getting information from him about how the bookbag would have ended up in someone else's hands and his not seeing it. Our guidance counselors had to go drive out and get the kid's backpack from the ditch since we could not reach his parents; they were excited to have the road trip and felt like Cagney & Lacey. (I'll save the story of my episode with my 8th grade crew of young ladies who think they own the school...June couldn't come soon enough where they're concerned. And, their story deserves an ENTIRE entry!)
Okay. Enough...I have a conference tomorrow and will be out of the building. I am excited to be going with the three faculty members that are attending. It'll be an insightful day!
OH...Friday there's a dance...Hmph.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Speed Test
51 words
I'd like to consider myself to be a pretty fast typer; however, I tried this site and found that my average came out to about 50. The worst score in the 40s and my best rate was in the 60s...I think I am faster than what this shows (smile). I'll go back to the site from time to time to see how I am doing!
How fast do you type???
I'd like to consider myself to be a pretty fast typer; however, I tried this site and found that my average came out to about 50. The worst score in the 40s and my best rate was in the 60s...I think I am faster than what this shows (smile). I'll go back to the site from time to time to see how I am doing!
How fast do you type???
Putting March Madness Into Perspective
For anyone who loves college basketball (like me), you're aware that March is the month where tournaments of elimination take place getting us to the final four best teams of the season. During March there are games taking place all day every day. It's a true high for those playing and viewing--what we could call the rising action or even climax of this event. It's absolute madness (in a good way)! For any educator, March is also considered madness. Particularly, middle school teachers. It is a long month with no breaks or holidays. Spring is on the brinks and the kids' hormones are ripe and ready to explode. We're so close to the end, yet not so close that we can shut down...Rather, the reality is there is TONS left in the curriculum to be taught and you're trying to overcome the burnout. And, Spring Break couldn't come soon enough.
My reality comes in seeing an eighth grade girl who is raising herself and is addicted to any drug that will make her forget the problems of life. I am faced with another eighth grader who has just come to our school, is African American, and is freaked out by the cultural differences. Her comfort is in going bad rather than seeing the fresh new start her parents desired to provide her. Now, I am working with a teacher who wants to press charges on her for reasons I can't fully support. A seventh grader that I mentor chooses to hang out late at night and get involved in drama to avoid her home where her mom doesn't exist for always working and her step father stays drunk. I stare at another one of my mentees who hasn't been to a Saturday session in three weeks because he was suspended yet again and still doesn't get where he went wrong. I am battling parents that can't handle their children, but I can't keep the seventh grader in school who is selling cigarettes to his peers at a slightly high rate than what it would be in the stores. I can't encourage the student who is a black male statistic--a whole 3 grade levels behind--refusing to do the work given to him. Not because he doesn't want to do it, but because he doesn't know how and there is no one at home to help him...With every fight that occurs, parents want to defend their children arguing it was in self defense and demand justice. Students are sent to the office for gum chewing, back talking, or skipping; somehow the teachers who sent them don't understand they've now given the children what they want: time out of the classroom. Meanwhile, the teachers of these students are frustrated and feel no support. They battle with the bad blueberries that are tainting the good fruit, making everything go bad.
So, today, March 9, 2008, my March Madness is put into perspective and all is restored even if an hour was lost due to Daylight Savings! What I understand to be true is putting my hands in it will not force the situations mentioned above to get resolved or better. What I know to be true is every situation I have handed over to God has had its own resolution in due season. What I understand to be true is I affect my environment; it doesn't affect me...My supervisor sent me a powerful, encouraging message this morning that gave the analogy of ice cream. Whatever you add to it, your focus is on the cream, not the nuts, sprinkles, fruit, etc. Those added things are just that: added. The truth of the matter is, I am the cream and need to act like it. I work in an environment that truly does have a top down method despite its efforts to work horizontally in team/collaborative methodologies. We set the tone or flavor for all the added "stuff" people like to throw in the mix--good and bad. I remember why I am there and what my purpose happens to be, and I get excited about all the possibilities of what could and should be.
On Friday of this past week, I had the opportunity to meet two awesome Black women in education. Kay Toliver is a retired math teacher from the Harlem, New York Public Schools. She now goes around giving inspirational presentations to educators on having positive learning encounters. She reminded us to get back to the basics, have some humor and fun in the classroom, and live by the C's: caring, connecting, communicating, courage, compassion, conviction, and commitment. Dr. Donna Ford came with the force, pounding us with the hard data of our nation and schools. Her passion and love for advocating the need to become culturally awake to minority students was inspiring and timely. One day I will be her!
Even bigger, though, is putting life into perspective. As I traveled home from church and rounded the ramp to get onto the interstate I saw a goose that was just standing isolated and lost. I wondered to myself, How did you get there? When I got closer, I then saw the dead goose that just lay there next to this goose. Oddly, I felt pain and sadness. The goose would not fly away; it was likley waiting for a flock to come that it could join. Every day of our lives is a day closer to our end, but we complain and focus on the work rather than enjoying the energy, gifts, and time we've been blessed and purposed with to get the work done. I don't ever want to be accused of not waking up and living for the day...Today I am embracing March Madness, not just the basketball tournament but this game called life.
My reality comes in seeing an eighth grade girl who is raising herself and is addicted to any drug that will make her forget the problems of life. I am faced with another eighth grader who has just come to our school, is African American, and is freaked out by the cultural differences. Her comfort is in going bad rather than seeing the fresh new start her parents desired to provide her. Now, I am working with a teacher who wants to press charges on her for reasons I can't fully support. A seventh grader that I mentor chooses to hang out late at night and get involved in drama to avoid her home where her mom doesn't exist for always working and her step father stays drunk. I stare at another one of my mentees who hasn't been to a Saturday session in three weeks because he was suspended yet again and still doesn't get where he went wrong. I am battling parents that can't handle their children, but I can't keep the seventh grader in school who is selling cigarettes to his peers at a slightly high rate than what it would be in the stores. I can't encourage the student who is a black male statistic--a whole 3 grade levels behind--refusing to do the work given to him. Not because he doesn't want to do it, but because he doesn't know how and there is no one at home to help him...With every fight that occurs, parents want to defend their children arguing it was in self defense and demand justice. Students are sent to the office for gum chewing, back talking, or skipping; somehow the teachers who sent them don't understand they've now given the children what they want: time out of the classroom. Meanwhile, the teachers of these students are frustrated and feel no support. They battle with the bad blueberries that are tainting the good fruit, making everything go bad.
So, today, March 9, 2008, my March Madness is put into perspective and all is restored even if an hour was lost due to Daylight Savings! What I understand to be true is putting my hands in it will not force the situations mentioned above to get resolved or better. What I know to be true is every situation I have handed over to God has had its own resolution in due season. What I understand to be true is I affect my environment; it doesn't affect me...My supervisor sent me a powerful, encouraging message this morning that gave the analogy of ice cream. Whatever you add to it, your focus is on the cream, not the nuts, sprinkles, fruit, etc. Those added things are just that: added. The truth of the matter is, I am the cream and need to act like it. I work in an environment that truly does have a top down method despite its efforts to work horizontally in team/collaborative methodologies. We set the tone or flavor for all the added "stuff" people like to throw in the mix--good and bad. I remember why I am there and what my purpose happens to be, and I get excited about all the possibilities of what could and should be.
On Friday of this past week, I had the opportunity to meet two awesome Black women in education. Kay Toliver is a retired math teacher from the Harlem, New York Public Schools. She now goes around giving inspirational presentations to educators on having positive learning encounters. She reminded us to get back to the basics, have some humor and fun in the classroom, and live by the C's: caring, connecting, communicating, courage, compassion, conviction, and commitment. Dr. Donna Ford came with the force, pounding us with the hard data of our nation and schools. Her passion and love for advocating the need to become culturally awake to minority students was inspiring and timely. One day I will be her!
Even bigger, though, is putting life into perspective. As I traveled home from church and rounded the ramp to get onto the interstate I saw a goose that was just standing isolated and lost. I wondered to myself, How did you get there? When I got closer, I then saw the dead goose that just lay there next to this goose. Oddly, I felt pain and sadness. The goose would not fly away; it was likley waiting for a flock to come that it could join. Every day of our lives is a day closer to our end, but we complain and focus on the work rather than enjoying the energy, gifts, and time we've been blessed and purposed with to get the work done. I don't ever want to be accused of not waking up and living for the day...Today I am embracing March Madness, not just the basketball tournament but this game called life.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Guilty Pleasure
Sadly, I feel I have had exposure to every reality television show on the air (to date). I don't know why I'm drawn to watching such filth and craziness. Perhaps it is that I feel better about my own life once I see what these folks are doing. I bet you are thinking I haven't viewed that many shows, so I thought I'd give the rundown of the shows I've seen more than once:
1. American Idol
2. Super Nanny
3. Wife Swap
4. Big Brother
5. Survivor
6. Flavor of Love
7. Salt N Peppa
8. Rock of Love
9. A Shot at Love (Tila Tequila)
10. My Super Sweet 16
11. America's Next Top Model
12. Project Runway
13. Real Housewives of Orange County (and now New York)
14. I Love New York
15. Celebrity Fitness
16. Millionaire Matchmaker
17. My Fair Brady
18. Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team
19. I Want to Look Like a High School Cheerleader (Again)
20. Pimp My Ride
21. The Bachelor
22. Billy Ray Cyrus: Home At Last
23. What Not to Wear
24. 10 Years Younger
25. A Wedding Story
26. A Baby Story
27. Trading Spaces
28. The Simple Life
29. The Apprentice
30. The Girls Next Door
31. Run's House
32. Fabulous Life
33. Snoop Dogg's Father Hood
34. Keeping Up with the Kardashians
35. Growing Up Gotti
36. Tim Gunn's Guide to Fashion
37. Hell's Kitchen
38. The Real World
39. The Osbournes
40. The Biggest Loser
41. Hogan Knows Best
42. Celebrity Rehab
43. The Surreal Life
44. Making the Band
45. Road Rules
46. Dancing With the Stars
46. Dance War
47. Gone Country
48. Bridezilla (sp)
This is a SIMPLE list that I've been able to come up with and I am really only scratching the surface; sadly, I believe I've watched whole seasons of these shows which is far more than two episodes. Currently, I am drawn in by the presidential debates; they are by far the best reality television to grace our screens.
I suppose I felt some conviction today when re-reading a poem by Roald Dahl that my nephew is using for a research paper. The poem is entitled "Television" and it talks about the dreaded idiot box. We're so pulled in by it that we're often missing out on some of the BEST things in life like time with family, reading, outdoor activities, meditation, games, sleeping, etc. While I am not the type that has to rush home or rearrange my schedule to watch one of the mentioned television shows, my intake of all of this does create some alarm. I had a friend that got rid of cable for like a year or two. I also know of many people that don't watch much television. This is the season of Lent, and I was unwilling to give up the television because I didn't want to miss 'A Raisin in the Sun'.
There are no promises that my habit is going to change over night. I am at least aware of my addiction and am going to work at curving this need of watching these shows.
1. American Idol
2. Super Nanny
3. Wife Swap
4. Big Brother
5. Survivor
6. Flavor of Love
7. Salt N Peppa
8. Rock of Love
9. A Shot at Love (Tila Tequila)
10. My Super Sweet 16
11. America's Next Top Model
12. Project Runway
13. Real Housewives of Orange County (and now New York)
14. I Love New York
15. Celebrity Fitness
16. Millionaire Matchmaker
17. My Fair Brady
18. Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team
19. I Want to Look Like a High School Cheerleader (Again)
20. Pimp My Ride
21. The Bachelor
22. Billy Ray Cyrus: Home At Last
23. What Not to Wear
24. 10 Years Younger
25. A Wedding Story
26. A Baby Story
27. Trading Spaces
28. The Simple Life
29. The Apprentice
30. The Girls Next Door
31. Run's House
32. Fabulous Life
33. Snoop Dogg's Father Hood
34. Keeping Up with the Kardashians
35. Growing Up Gotti
36. Tim Gunn's Guide to Fashion
37. Hell's Kitchen
38. The Real World
39. The Osbournes
40. The Biggest Loser
41. Hogan Knows Best
42. Celebrity Rehab
43. The Surreal Life
44. Making the Band
45. Road Rules
46. Dancing With the Stars
46. Dance War
47. Gone Country
48. Bridezilla (sp)
This is a SIMPLE list that I've been able to come up with and I am really only scratching the surface; sadly, I believe I've watched whole seasons of these shows which is far more than two episodes. Currently, I am drawn in by the presidential debates; they are by far the best reality television to grace our screens.
I suppose I felt some conviction today when re-reading a poem by Roald Dahl that my nephew is using for a research paper. The poem is entitled "Television" and it talks about the dreaded idiot box. We're so pulled in by it that we're often missing out on some of the BEST things in life like time with family, reading, outdoor activities, meditation, games, sleeping, etc. While I am not the type that has to rush home or rearrange my schedule to watch one of the mentioned television shows, my intake of all of this does create some alarm. I had a friend that got rid of cable for like a year or two. I also know of many people that don't watch much television. This is the season of Lent, and I was unwilling to give up the television because I didn't want to miss 'A Raisin in the Sun'.
There are no promises that my habit is going to change over night. I am at least aware of my addiction and am going to work at curving this need of watching these shows.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
What Will They Say About Me When I Die?
While I understand that death may be an uncomfortable topic of discussion for many, I can't say I've really ever had that issue. I think I may actually gain my sanity once I leave this world and have a bit of peace. Currently, I spend my days questioning so many things that occur and trying to understand my purpose in the midst of it all. And, Jesus usually responds quickly or there's some delay. I am okay with this.
Death isn't really the subject I am reflecting on today. The title of this entry came about when driving home; it was in the lyrics of the song I was playing. Immediately, the answer that came to mind was: mean lady!
I spend a good part of my day handling discipline cases, and today was no different than others. In fact, I hit the ground running right after the 7:30 IEP meeting held before school. As I came up to the office and sat down to go through my email inbox that had quickly collected messages, one of our front office secretaries came back to alert me that a parent really needed to see me. Parents tend not to care about setting appointments or valuing time when it comes to their child, which is understandable on many levels. They do not always think about the possible steps/interventions that could occur before coming straight to an administrator; however, it's nature of the beast and I am usually willing to accommodate.
I asked the secretary to give me about 5 minutes and I'd be out to see him. I sat for a minute and organized my desk and responded to an email, got up and went to see how my day was going to unravel...
Dad was in to report an issue from our Valentine's Day dance on Friday. He (and his wife) were highly upset with a situation that happened to their son while at the dance. The kid is a little bitty thing, and a HUGE seventh grader had tried to stuff his head in the toilet. No laughing, people...you can't make this stuff up. Now, I was aware of the situation on Friday, but what I can share is on a Friday night coming off of any holiday week that may have involved candy, I am not trying to handle discipline issues at a dance. Rather, the aim is to put out fires because issues are just expected. Teachers don't volunteer to chaperone, and the parents are too scared to say anything, leaving administration and whatever school personnel sponsoring the event to handle about 200-400 children going nuts in a gym.
When the issue was brought to my attention, one of our teachers was chewing the 7th grader out for his behavior. She questioned why he was trying to put the kid's head in the toilet. The response was, "He took my soda!" Of course, the response was, "No, I didn't!" Again, people--no laughing. I work with middle schoolers, and this is typical behavior. Anyway, the 7th grader was in the wrong and he apologized to the 6th grader, they shook hands and he went on his way. I asked the 6th grader if he was okay, and he shook his head yes. He had a soda in his hand, a friend by his side, and no tears in his eyes. I thought to myself: EASY. Problem solved!
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong! Now, a parent sat in my office and questioned how I dealt with the issue. Further, he took on the role of threatening me with how many parents in the community knew about the situation and that none of them were ever bringing their kids to a dance. (SIGH) I HATE when parents throw out crazy threats. I can't begin to share how many people were pleased with the dance, and there really no issues the entire night.
Anyway, I talked with the parent and put his mind at ease, sharing how we deal with discipline at our dances. Dad put his kid out there when I asked him to give me a full report of what occurred. He shared that his son provoked the 7th grader when he threw soda at him---UM, not a smart move as a 6th grader, friends. Dad left and stopped threatening to press charges; he wouldn't have had a case--I checked with our school resource officer. So, discipline issue numero 1 was on the desk to resolve.
I moved to unfinished cases from Friday.
My Friday was a day from...Well, I will leave you to fill in the blank. Two fights, Two bus issues, Three assemblies, a Staff Development Guru in house, and millions of events in between. I spent my day dealing with two bus investigations. One had to do with a kid having a razor blade on his person and slicing bus seats. The other was involving a group of kiddos that thought it would be fun to light matches on the back of the bus and then throw the evidence out of the window before turning in to the school grounds. Let's just say the former was an easier case than the latter. I had a two hour meeting with the parents of slicer child. And, we had to interview about 10 kids on the bus to get anywhere on the fire-starters. The hardest catch to this was the kid being accused has a mother who is clueless that her child isn't innocent. The kid has her so fooled and she has an excuse for every conduct referral written on him. It's really very sad and quite draining.
So, what will they call me when I die? Simply put: A mean lady. My days being filled with discipline issues must come to a stop soon. My main focus of instructional leadership has to be found and implemented. And, maybe I won't be known as the mean lady because the kids won't be doing crazy stuff!
Death isn't really the subject I am reflecting on today. The title of this entry came about when driving home; it was in the lyrics of the song I was playing. Immediately, the answer that came to mind was: mean lady!
I spend a good part of my day handling discipline cases, and today was no different than others. In fact, I hit the ground running right after the 7:30 IEP meeting held before school. As I came up to the office and sat down to go through my email inbox that had quickly collected messages, one of our front office secretaries came back to alert me that a parent really needed to see me. Parents tend not to care about setting appointments or valuing time when it comes to their child, which is understandable on many levels. They do not always think about the possible steps/interventions that could occur before coming straight to an administrator; however, it's nature of the beast and I am usually willing to accommodate.
I asked the secretary to give me about 5 minutes and I'd be out to see him. I sat for a minute and organized my desk and responded to an email, got up and went to see how my day was going to unravel...
Dad was in to report an issue from our Valentine's Day dance on Friday. He (and his wife) were highly upset with a situation that happened to their son while at the dance. The kid is a little bitty thing, and a HUGE seventh grader had tried to stuff his head in the toilet. No laughing, people...you can't make this stuff up. Now, I was aware of the situation on Friday, but what I can share is on a Friday night coming off of any holiday week that may have involved candy, I am not trying to handle discipline issues at a dance. Rather, the aim is to put out fires because issues are just expected. Teachers don't volunteer to chaperone, and the parents are too scared to say anything, leaving administration and whatever school personnel sponsoring the event to handle about 200-400 children going nuts in a gym.
When the issue was brought to my attention, one of our teachers was chewing the 7th grader out for his behavior. She questioned why he was trying to put the kid's head in the toilet. The response was, "He took my soda!" Of course, the response was, "No, I didn't!" Again, people--no laughing. I work with middle schoolers, and this is typical behavior. Anyway, the 7th grader was in the wrong and he apologized to the 6th grader, they shook hands and he went on his way. I asked the 6th grader if he was okay, and he shook his head yes. He had a soda in his hand, a friend by his side, and no tears in his eyes. I thought to myself: EASY. Problem solved!
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong! Now, a parent sat in my office and questioned how I dealt with the issue. Further, he took on the role of threatening me with how many parents in the community knew about the situation and that none of them were ever bringing their kids to a dance. (SIGH) I HATE when parents throw out crazy threats. I can't begin to share how many people were pleased with the dance, and there really no issues the entire night.
Anyway, I talked with the parent and put his mind at ease, sharing how we deal with discipline at our dances. Dad put his kid out there when I asked him to give me a full report of what occurred. He shared that his son provoked the 7th grader when he threw soda at him---UM, not a smart move as a 6th grader, friends. Dad left and stopped threatening to press charges; he wouldn't have had a case--I checked with our school resource officer. So, discipline issue numero 1 was on the desk to resolve.
I moved to unfinished cases from Friday.
My Friday was a day from...Well, I will leave you to fill in the blank. Two fights, Two bus issues, Three assemblies, a Staff Development Guru in house, and millions of events in between. I spent my day dealing with two bus investigations. One had to do with a kid having a razor blade on his person and slicing bus seats. The other was involving a group of kiddos that thought it would be fun to light matches on the back of the bus and then throw the evidence out of the window before turning in to the school grounds. Let's just say the former was an easier case than the latter. I had a two hour meeting with the parents of slicer child. And, we had to interview about 10 kids on the bus to get anywhere on the fire-starters. The hardest catch to this was the kid being accused has a mother who is clueless that her child isn't innocent. The kid has her so fooled and she has an excuse for every conduct referral written on him. It's really very sad and quite draining.
So, what will they call me when I die? Simply put: A mean lady. My days being filled with discipline issues must come to a stop soon. My main focus of instructional leadership has to be found and implemented. And, maybe I won't be known as the mean lady because the kids won't be doing crazy stuff!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Officially Effectively Ineffective
I spend a lot of time at work. During the week, I wake up early to try and beat most of the staff to the building. Once at work I prepare for the day, reading email, getting a little daily devotion, helping our front office staff with any issues, and plotting out the day. The hours go by quickly with meetings, discipline, phone calls, and observations. Then in the afternoons there are the usual club sponsored activities, sports events, meetings, after school tutoring or detention, etc.
With so many things occurring in the week, I find myself sneaking into the building on the weekends for a few hours to knock out incompleted projects; this is the only way I make it in the week. Today was no different. It was a school holiday, President's Day, but I had to get over to the school to get some work done. Honestly, the time I put into my job does not bother me until I begin to feel ineffective for those I truly serve: children.
I am beginning to feel more and more defeated as a school organization when I see the number of students that are failing and not finding academic success. It's more pronounced than ever, and I can't ever remember seeing kids struggling like this when I was growing up. I am dealing with 11 and 12 year olds that are pregnant and 15 year olds that are still in middle school. My young men are associated with gangs, and the ones that are not are too scared to say otherwise. They would rather be on Myspace or text messaging than reading a book or showing some school spirit. They can tell me everything about Soulja Boy, Little Wayne, and Chris Brown, but can't solve a simple equation or explain what a sentence fragment is. And, the icing on the cake is I live in a middle class, quaint suburban community. Poverty in my building is just under 20%, and we're on the higher end for those numbers.
It is a new generation that requires those of us working in education to think WAY outside the box in order to have motivated, engaged pupils. So it came as no surprise when CNN had a news story about a school division in Georgia that plans to to have single gendered schools. Their reasoning is that children are too distracted by the opposite sex and separation will hopefully pull up those students that are getting left behind. On Good Morning, America, there was a story entitled "Earn to Learn." Several states have caught on and are paying students for making good grades. Some students make up to $300 a year.
Sadly, I see the challenges and obstacles of motivating kids right in my own backyard. Family members and close friends speak with me about the issues they're facing in raising children in today's society. Unfortunately, the black male seems to be having the most setbacks. It doesn't matter the household--rich, middle class, or poor--our young black men continue to fall behind all other students.
In the mentoring program I volunteer with I had a young man that would seriously be okay with making $186 a week selling drugs than pulling himself together to do a little work in school in order to have credible job. He has no desire to flip burgers, and he and the system have mutually failed each other in taking the time to help him. He can't read a sentence, but he could likely show me how to hot wire a car...
I am left feeling a bit defeated with questions about why I do what I do...Then I think back to my day on Saturday. There is a young lady I've been working with since she was in the sixth grade. She bucked the system and stayed in the office her first year of middle school. She was the one who would throw a punch without giving it a second thought. Her attitude was very poor and she was unwilling to open up to the adults that were trying to teach her. One day her whole attitude changed during one of our program sessions. She wrote down some things that had happened to her, and one of the male mentors brought it to my attention. We started talking about her experiences and how to channel the anger. She is now in high school and excelling. Her grades are remarkable (for her). She is college bound and sets an example for those around her.
I know that if I haven't affected any other lives I have at least touched one. I am aware that it takes a willingness and desire to want to do good in order to get out of the rut you're in. When I asked for this job, I didn't ask that it be easy but I have great expectations that include changing and helping lives.
With so many things occurring in the week, I find myself sneaking into the building on the weekends for a few hours to knock out incompleted projects; this is the only way I make it in the week. Today was no different. It was a school holiday, President's Day, but I had to get over to the school to get some work done. Honestly, the time I put into my job does not bother me until I begin to feel ineffective for those I truly serve: children.
I am beginning to feel more and more defeated as a school organization when I see the number of students that are failing and not finding academic success. It's more pronounced than ever, and I can't ever remember seeing kids struggling like this when I was growing up. I am dealing with 11 and 12 year olds that are pregnant and 15 year olds that are still in middle school. My young men are associated with gangs, and the ones that are not are too scared to say otherwise. They would rather be on Myspace or text messaging than reading a book or showing some school spirit. They can tell me everything about Soulja Boy, Little Wayne, and Chris Brown, but can't solve a simple equation or explain what a sentence fragment is. And, the icing on the cake is I live in a middle class, quaint suburban community. Poverty in my building is just under 20%, and we're on the higher end for those numbers.
It is a new generation that requires those of us working in education to think WAY outside the box in order to have motivated, engaged pupils. So it came as no surprise when CNN had a news story about a school division in Georgia that plans to to have single gendered schools. Their reasoning is that children are too distracted by the opposite sex and separation will hopefully pull up those students that are getting left behind. On Good Morning, America, there was a story entitled "Earn to Learn." Several states have caught on and are paying students for making good grades. Some students make up to $300 a year.
Sadly, I see the challenges and obstacles of motivating kids right in my own backyard. Family members and close friends speak with me about the issues they're facing in raising children in today's society. Unfortunately, the black male seems to be having the most setbacks. It doesn't matter the household--rich, middle class, or poor--our young black men continue to fall behind all other students.
In the mentoring program I volunteer with I had a young man that would seriously be okay with making $186 a week selling drugs than pulling himself together to do a little work in school in order to have credible job. He has no desire to flip burgers, and he and the system have mutually failed each other in taking the time to help him. He can't read a sentence, but he could likely show me how to hot wire a car...
I am left feeling a bit defeated with questions about why I do what I do...Then I think back to my day on Saturday. There is a young lady I've been working with since she was in the sixth grade. She bucked the system and stayed in the office her first year of middle school. She was the one who would throw a punch without giving it a second thought. Her attitude was very poor and she was unwilling to open up to the adults that were trying to teach her. One day her whole attitude changed during one of our program sessions. She wrote down some things that had happened to her, and one of the male mentors brought it to my attention. We started talking about her experiences and how to channel the anger. She is now in high school and excelling. Her grades are remarkable (for her). She is college bound and sets an example for those around her.
I know that if I haven't affected any other lives I have at least touched one. I am aware that it takes a willingness and desire to want to do good in order to get out of the rut you're in. When I asked for this job, I didn't ask that it be easy but I have great expectations that include changing and helping lives.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
No Greater Love..
The most romantic day of the year has come and gone, but I think in the midst of so many events this week it was just a regular day for many. Married colleagues laughed at me when I inquired of their plans, and I heard things like, "Sweetie, we have kids" or "We've been married for 20 years. It's just another day."
One of the volunteers for the mentoring program I help with had a cute story: His grandmother called him on Valentine's Day and wanted to know if he had classes. He was so confused and wanted to know why he would have a day off from school, and she was like, "It's Valentine's Day."
I tried posting on Valentine's Day, but I just could not seem to find the words I wanted--mainly because it was late and I was tired from a long day. I didn't want to aim for a pity post or one that sounded anti because though I may not have had a commercialized holiday, Valentine's Day this year was still pretty special for me.
This time last year I was the big talk of the building as cards, gifts, and two deliveries to my workplace happened during the course of the day. It is amazing how different life can be in the matter of a year...by choice. And, maybe that is my apprehension in posting anything at all. While I say that my singleness is a choice, I don't really feel like welcoming opinions from those around me.
Being single and my age opens the door to all sorts of opinions, suggestions, concerns, and questions. People want to know when I am going to settle down. Others want to know why such a great person like myself doesn't have a special someone. I am told that I am going to meet that Mr. Right VERY soon. Also, I can't forget the people that tell me to hold out as long as possible because married life and commitment ain't all it's cracked up to be. And, I'd be remissed if I didn't mention those that like to give the biblical message of "Ask and ye shall receive" and God has a special plan in due season just keep the faith.
Well, I am aware of all of these things and more. And, my singleness is by choice. I could have had a date or even been married by now, but I have not found "the one." It's not because I am too picky or that there is something wrong with me. Trust me. I don't want to be single forever, but I am okay with where I am for now. I'll also be glad when I do meet a person I desire to spend my life with.
I could tell you I don't have time for a boyfriend. Or, I could give the good old statement about relationships being for the lonely; however, I am a realist idealist (smile). I can be a hopeless romantic with good logic!
So, on Thursday a colleague of mine that's a minister invited me to her church for a dinner honoring single people. The dinner was wonderful and a really nice idea. One of the women's ministries sponsored it. They were servants for the evening and desired to do something nice for those of us that are single. We got some really great gifts, a yummy dinner, and an inspiring message--most of the points I've already hit upon in the blog.
So, here is to being single. What I have come to learn in my years of being here on this earth is there's no greater love than that of God's. The relationship I have gained with Him has helped me in knowing how to love and care for the people in my life. It will also be the foundation for the love I build with the person He brings into my life and for that I am truly blessed.
While the most romantic day of the year has come and gone, love is 24/7, 365 days, 52 weeks (there are 52 weeks in a year, right???). I recognize the love in my life and am loving it! It gets sweeter and sweeter everyday, and no commercialized day with candies needs to occur for me to taste--I mean recognize--it!
One of the volunteers for the mentoring program I help with had a cute story: His grandmother called him on Valentine's Day and wanted to know if he had classes. He was so confused and wanted to know why he would have a day off from school, and she was like, "It's Valentine's Day."
I tried posting on Valentine's Day, but I just could not seem to find the words I wanted--mainly because it was late and I was tired from a long day. I didn't want to aim for a pity post or one that sounded anti because though I may not have had a commercialized holiday, Valentine's Day this year was still pretty special for me.
This time last year I was the big talk of the building as cards, gifts, and two deliveries to my workplace happened during the course of the day. It is amazing how different life can be in the matter of a year...by choice. And, maybe that is my apprehension in posting anything at all. While I say that my singleness is a choice, I don't really feel like welcoming opinions from those around me.
Being single and my age opens the door to all sorts of opinions, suggestions, concerns, and questions. People want to know when I am going to settle down. Others want to know why such a great person like myself doesn't have a special someone. I am told that I am going to meet that Mr. Right VERY soon. Also, I can't forget the people that tell me to hold out as long as possible because married life and commitment ain't all it's cracked up to be. And, I'd be remissed if I didn't mention those that like to give the biblical message of "Ask and ye shall receive" and God has a special plan in due season just keep the faith.
Well, I am aware of all of these things and more. And, my singleness is by choice. I could have had a date or even been married by now, but I have not found "the one." It's not because I am too picky or that there is something wrong with me. Trust me. I don't want to be single forever, but I am okay with where I am for now. I'll also be glad when I do meet a person I desire to spend my life with.
I could tell you I don't have time for a boyfriend. Or, I could give the good old statement about relationships being for the lonely; however, I am a realist idealist (smile). I can be a hopeless romantic with good logic!
So, on Thursday a colleague of mine that's a minister invited me to her church for a dinner honoring single people. The dinner was wonderful and a really nice idea. One of the women's ministries sponsored it. They were servants for the evening and desired to do something nice for those of us that are single. We got some really great gifts, a yummy dinner, and an inspiring message--most of the points I've already hit upon in the blog.
So, here is to being single. What I have come to learn in my years of being here on this earth is there's no greater love than that of God's. The relationship I have gained with Him has helped me in knowing how to love and care for the people in my life. It will also be the foundation for the love I build with the person He brings into my life and for that I am truly blessed.
While the most romantic day of the year has come and gone, love is 24/7, 365 days, 52 weeks (there are 52 weeks in a year, right???). I recognize the love in my life and am loving it! It gets sweeter and sweeter everyday, and no commercialized day with candies needs to occur for me to taste--I mean recognize--it!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
AWKWARDNESS
So, I am a grown woman. Am I supposed to become obviously awkward in awkward scenarios? There will be awkwardness when you run into an old flame or someone you spent a lot of time with or haven't seen in a while. It is worse when you've never met that person before but shared that typed of "intimacy," which is what occurred today while I was shopping...
I intentionally drove a couple of towns over to avoid colleagues, students and parents. Having worked in a high school and two middle schools it is hard to go anywhere in these parts and not bump into someone I know. I was doing pretty well, too. I had gone to the mall and managed not to see anyone, got a couple of cute inexpensive tops, and a yummy dessert from Great American Cookies. I had a list of items I needed to pick up and decided to hit up a department store rather than go to the grocery store. I dread grocery stores, but that's an entry for another time.
Shopping. I was knocking out my list when I noticed a guy pass me and make eye contact. This is neither uncommon or unusual so I didn't find it all that strange. I needed a new pitcher and was trying my hardest to determine where I may be able to locate it. That's the bad part about shopping in stores you don't frequent--you can't find things! So, I was doing the casual cart drive and perusing the aisles hoping a pitcher would stand out when I saw the guy do a look back/look again.
I turned down in the kitchen section when all of a sudden my cell phone sounded off. Startled, I knew it wasn't my mom because we had already talked. I thought it may be one of my girlfriends calling to see if I was going to join her and her family for dinner. When I saw the name come up on the i.d., everything clicked. I looked up and saw him with the cell phone to his ear.
"Hello?"
"I never forget a face..."
I don't have to finish the conversation. He made his way over and there was awkwardness.
Let me explain some things. He and I have never met. Our mothers were classmates and a few years ago they ran into each other at Homecoming. They got to talking, and my mother--like all good mothers--had her brag book of photos. She was showing off her grandchildren, boys, and me. Her classmate's son happened to be with her, and when he saw my picture he wanted to know more about me. He was very aggressive in sharing how interested he was (in me). Because he lived so close in proximity, our moms thought it would be great for us to connect. I don't think either meant we had to go to a level of dating, but that certainly wasn't ruled out. Anyway, mom gave him my number. He lost the number and had to get it again, but he did call.
At the time I was in graduate school. We talked regularly about all sorts of stuff. It was great conversation and we'd talk for hours. The topic of meeting up seemed to be an uncomfortable one for him, and I was not exactly sure why since we had stressed early on that this didn't have to be a "dating" relationship. I don't know if he felt intimidated that I had more education. I don't know if my religious views or personal convictions made him uncomfortable. Whatever the case, he was unwilling to meet and could not really justify why. Soon our talks began to slow. I was busy (as usual) and I didn't really know how to take the whole not wanting to meet and hang out.
We still send forwards to one another and text each other during the holidays, but that's about it.
Meeting him today was ironic. I had just done a search on Facebook and Myspace to see if he had by chance created a profile. My search was unsuccessful.
I felt like an idiot talking with him. I couldn't find the right words and I felt rushed. I was repetitive and caught off guard...(sigh) What makes me upset is he should have been the awkward one. I hadn't done anything wrong. We made cordial small talk and then kept moving. I couldn't let it go though. I think he bolted out of the store because I didn't see him anywhere after that.
I decided to text message him on the way home. I just mentioned that it was nice seeing him. He responded with a "finally" type of message with humor. I agreed. His last text stated he was elusive. I didn't quite know how to respond except to say it was true--and, maybe true for both of us.
Maybe it would have been better for me to have shopped in my own neighborhood.
A more fitting title may be "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Market"...
I intentionally drove a couple of towns over to avoid colleagues, students and parents. Having worked in a high school and two middle schools it is hard to go anywhere in these parts and not bump into someone I know. I was doing pretty well, too. I had gone to the mall and managed not to see anyone, got a couple of cute inexpensive tops, and a yummy dessert from Great American Cookies. I had a list of items I needed to pick up and decided to hit up a department store rather than go to the grocery store. I dread grocery stores, but that's an entry for another time.
Shopping. I was knocking out my list when I noticed a guy pass me and make eye contact. This is neither uncommon or unusual so I didn't find it all that strange. I needed a new pitcher and was trying my hardest to determine where I may be able to locate it. That's the bad part about shopping in stores you don't frequent--you can't find things! So, I was doing the casual cart drive and perusing the aisles hoping a pitcher would stand out when I saw the guy do a look back/look again.
I turned down in the kitchen section when all of a sudden my cell phone sounded off. Startled, I knew it wasn't my mom because we had already talked. I thought it may be one of my girlfriends calling to see if I was going to join her and her family for dinner. When I saw the name come up on the i.d., everything clicked. I looked up and saw him with the cell phone to his ear.
"Hello?"
"I never forget a face..."
I don't have to finish the conversation. He made his way over and there was awkwardness.
Let me explain some things. He and I have never met. Our mothers were classmates and a few years ago they ran into each other at Homecoming. They got to talking, and my mother--like all good mothers--had her brag book of photos. She was showing off her grandchildren, boys, and me. Her classmate's son happened to be with her, and when he saw my picture he wanted to know more about me. He was very aggressive in sharing how interested he was (in me). Because he lived so close in proximity, our moms thought it would be great for us to connect. I don't think either meant we had to go to a level of dating, but that certainly wasn't ruled out. Anyway, mom gave him my number. He lost the number and had to get it again, but he did call.
At the time I was in graduate school. We talked regularly about all sorts of stuff. It was great conversation and we'd talk for hours. The topic of meeting up seemed to be an uncomfortable one for him, and I was not exactly sure why since we had stressed early on that this didn't have to be a "dating" relationship. I don't know if he felt intimidated that I had more education. I don't know if my religious views or personal convictions made him uncomfortable. Whatever the case, he was unwilling to meet and could not really justify why. Soon our talks began to slow. I was busy (as usual) and I didn't really know how to take the whole not wanting to meet and hang out.
We still send forwards to one another and text each other during the holidays, but that's about it.
Meeting him today was ironic. I had just done a search on Facebook and Myspace to see if he had by chance created a profile. My search was unsuccessful.
I felt like an idiot talking with him. I couldn't find the right words and I felt rushed. I was repetitive and caught off guard...(sigh) What makes me upset is he should have been the awkward one. I hadn't done anything wrong. We made cordial small talk and then kept moving. I couldn't let it go though. I think he bolted out of the store because I didn't see him anywhere after that.
I decided to text message him on the way home. I just mentioned that it was nice seeing him. He responded with a "finally" type of message with humor. I agreed. His last text stated he was elusive. I didn't quite know how to respond except to say it was true--and, maybe true for both of us.
Maybe it would have been better for me to have shopped in my own neighborhood.
A more fitting title may be "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Market"...
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