AWKWARDNESS

So, I am a grown woman. Am I supposed to become obviously awkward in awkward scenarios? There will be awkwardness when you run into an old flame or someone you spent a lot of time with or haven't seen in a while. It is worse when you've never met that person before but shared that typed of "intimacy," which is what occurred today while I was shopping...

I intentionally drove a couple of towns over to avoid colleagues, students and parents. Having worked in a high school and two middle schools it is hard to go anywhere in these parts and not bump into someone I know. I was doing pretty well, too. I had gone to the mall and managed not to see anyone, got a couple of cute inexpensive tops, and a yummy dessert from Great American Cookies. I had a list of items I needed to pick up and decided to hit up a department store rather than go to the grocery store. I dread grocery stores, but that's an entry for another time.

Shopping. I was knocking out my list when I noticed a guy pass me and make eye contact. This is neither uncommon or unusual so I didn't find it all that strange. I needed a new pitcher and was trying my hardest to determine where I may be able to locate it. That's the bad part about shopping in stores you don't frequent--you can't find things! So, I was doing the casual cart drive and perusing the aisles hoping a pitcher would stand out when I saw the guy do a look back/look again.

I turned down in the kitchen section when all of a sudden my cell phone sounded off. Startled, I knew it wasn't my mom because we had already talked. I thought it may be one of my girlfriends calling to see if I was going to join her and her family for dinner. When I saw the name come up on the i.d., everything clicked. I looked up and saw him with the cell phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

"I never forget a face..."

I don't have to finish the conversation. He made his way over and there was awkwardness.

Let me explain some things. He and I have never met. Our mothers were classmates and a few years ago they ran into each other at Homecoming. They got to talking, and my mother--like all good mothers--had her brag book of photos. She was showing off her grandchildren, boys, and me. Her classmate's son happened to be with her, and when he saw my picture he wanted to know more about me. He was very aggressive in sharing how interested he was (in me). Because he lived so close in proximity, our moms thought it would be great for us to connect. I don't think either meant we had to go to a level of dating, but that certainly wasn't ruled out. Anyway, mom gave him my number. He lost the number and had to get it again, but he did call.

At the time I was in graduate school. We talked regularly about all sorts of stuff. It was great conversation and we'd talk for hours. The topic of meeting up seemed to be an uncomfortable one for him, and I was not exactly sure why since we had stressed early on that this didn't have to be a "dating" relationship. I don't know if he felt intimidated that I had more education. I don't know if my religious views or personal convictions made him uncomfortable. Whatever the case, he was unwilling to meet and could not really justify why. Soon our talks began to slow. I was busy (as usual) and I didn't really know how to take the whole not wanting to meet and hang out.
We still send forwards to one another and text each other during the holidays, but that's about it.
Meeting him today was ironic. I had just done a search on Facebook and Myspace to see if he had by chance created a profile. My search was unsuccessful.

I felt like an idiot talking with him. I couldn't find the right words and I felt rushed. I was repetitive and caught off guard...(sigh) What makes me upset is he should have been the awkward one. I hadn't done anything wrong. We made cordial small talk and then kept moving. I couldn't let it go though. I think he bolted out of the store because I didn't see him anywhere after that.

I decided to text message him on the way home. I just mentioned that it was nice seeing him. He responded with a "finally" type of message with humor. I agreed. His last text stated he was elusive. I didn't quite know how to respond except to say it was true--and, maybe true for both of us.

Maybe it would have been better for me to have shopped in my own neighborhood.





A more fitting title may be "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Market"...